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“Responsibility of both”- 30 June 2019.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 July 2019 22:18

Anonymous

Q. I am married since last 5 years. I have a son aged 2.5 years. My wife doesn't show much interest in sexual activity. On the other side, I feel sexually starved. The frequency of sex would be around 1-2 times a week that is also on my instance. she doesn't initiate on her own. Even during activity, she doesn't play any active role. I have frequently asked her why such indifference towards this activity, she says she doesn't find it interesting. Please guide us in this matter.

Ans. This is a not so uncommon complaint. Many couples report sexual incompatibility in terms of levels and frequency of the desire and need. Some have higher needs and some have lower needs. This is not abnormal but the fact that your wife does not ‘find it interesting’ and is indifferent during the activity is surely a matter of concern. The basis of a good marriage is also the fact that both partners are happy and satisfied with their sex life. ‘Being starved’ or feeling starved as you say leads to frustration and disappointment in marriage. This calls for sessions of counselling and sex therapy if at all needed after the initial counselling. The reasons for such low interest or no interest are many- there are physical causes and mental/emotional causes too. Sometimes the problem could also be the interpersonal relationship between the two of you which plays on her mind and she withdraws. We need to identify the causes and for that she needs to cooperate. Even if one partner is unhappy due to any reasons it is the duty of the other to cooperate and participate in counselling. One partner cannot withdraw and say- ‘not my problem, it is your problem’. The problems are always joint and the duty of both to see that the other is also happy in the situation. This much for the moment.

P.S

Q. I am a student I have just clear my HSC board exam my stream is computer science  I have got very less percent I didn't have think about it that I would score so less Now I don't know what should I pursue I wanted to do aeronautical engineering but I am not sure that If I will fail to do that I don't know what should I do my subject is PCM so Any how I have to go with engineering please suggest me what should I go with Mam I genuinely need your advice.

Ans. The best way is to get your abilities assessed through an aptitude test. It will measure your abilities in science and technology, analytical reasoning., mechanical reasoning and so on to help you gain confidence that if you take engineering specially aeronautical, you will succeed in it. Since you have PCM and can get admission into engineering but have scored less than expected it could mean that ‘you have the ability but have not performed well in exams’. If this is case the best way is the aptitude that measures the abilities. This will help you be confident of your choice and this will also help your parents get back their belief and trust in you in terms of talent. A single exam does not define your talents for it is just a performance in a set condition. We have online facilities for testing and all it takes is two hours. Of-course if not engineering there are umpteen choices for career for you but it depends on your likes and dislikes and skill sets which is also measured in the test along with your personality factors. All the best to you.

“Keep away from callous cads”- 23 june 2019.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 July 2019 22:16

A. F

Q.

I’m deeply in love with a guy who had been pursuing me on and off for last six years. I used to be extremely uncomfortable around him and could barely look at his face and talk. I’m shy, reserved and don’t’ have any close friends. He understood my traits very well. He kept on sending texts with romantic undertones like how he wants me to take up his responsibilities, move slowly towards the final goal, pestering me to accept my feelings for him first and then he’ll do the same, requesting me to call him up regularly at nights and during his lunch break in the office. I was completely under his charm and could think of no one else as my life partner. 4 months back he stopped talking to me and then recently showed up to announce his engagement with another girl. I had a heated confrontation with him wherein he dumped the entire blame on me for misunderstanding his “Friendship” and accused me of making up a story in my mind as he talks to all of his friends like this. My world has come crashing down as my existence revolved around him.

Ans. Such fellows are callous cads. They are cheats and sociopaths. Best to keep away from such guys. Thank your stars that you have been saved from such a rogue for life. And bless the girl who has got engaged to him for marriage. You can be sure that he will dump her too very soon or marry her and keep cheating her with his nonsensical romantic escapades. Characters like this don’t change ever and continue to behave dishonourably with women all the time. They treat women as objects of use and fun and actually don’t love anyone deeply. They have narcissistic traits and therefore love only themselves. Hunting women and making them submit to their whims and fancies is a serious hobby and actually pride themselves on ‘wooing’ them over rather than feeling guilty and sorry. They never feel guilt and so forget it as a bad dream. Keep away from narcissistic sociopaths.

S.N

Q. I am mother (30yr) of 1year old girl and living in isolated family. I really need to make my career as early as possible but I just graduated in B.Sc.(chem,bot,zoo)and last year taken admission in b.ed. but can't study well coz of responsibility about my daughter. Even I never get free time to think about the way of life and it's create obnoxious condition for me. what's your opinion about me? which field I have to choose for career n how? I m ready to do 1yr. diploma courses if I will get the proper job. pls guide me.

Ans. It depends on what type of job you prefer. B.Ed will fetch you a teaching job which is good but there could be other higher paying jobs such as Banks, sales and marketing, insurance agencies, and such avenues. Look out for a reasonable creche for your child in the meantime when you start working after some time. What you need is a session on career planning and not an ad hoc decision. Consult some wise friend or come to us for that. If making a career is important for you at this stage of life then you need to plan it out systematically in steps keeping in mind your short term and long term goals. Make an assessment of your entire life situation and also your aptitude, abilities, interests and your family liabilities and then think of the best options open to you. There is a way of going about the whole thing and the you will be able to make the right decision which will give you satisfaction and happiness.

“Signs of disturbances”- 16 June 2019

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 July 2019 19:27

ABC

Q. I cannot sleep these days. I wake up suddenly and cannot sleep again. I tried all types of tricks I read on internet. I tried watching TV, reading a book or even meditating. In morning I don’t feel good and feel tired all day. My friends in office are noticing my eyes and my face and they ask me. Please guide me. Will counselling help? Please give appointment as soon as possible. I don’t want to try drugs of any sort.

Ans. Sleep is normally the first casualty in any emotional problems. Please introspect what is bothering you in your life- be it personal or professional or social circle too. Do you have physical /health issues lately or any chronic condition? It is good you don’t want to try pills for sleep. Counselling will certainly help you explore and identify hidden issues lying unattended in your mind. Identification of the problem is half the problem solved. When the mind is peaceful it sleeps well. When it is in turmoil it loses sleep. Please call the numbers given in the column for an appointment. You will be well soon -don’t worry too much.

RS

Q. I want to do science and my marks are not good but. My parents now doubt my capacity and ask me to do commerce. I have no interest in it and love doing science only. How to convince my parents that I can do science. Not biology but physics. My maths is little less but physics is good. Should I come for aptitude test? Will it convince my parents? Please guide me properly.

Ans. Yes an aptitude test is a wonderful way of assessing your abilities and personality strengths as well as your interest areas to know the best career for you. It gives the levels of your abilities and allows you to take a wise decision for choosing the best career line for you. It may be possible you did not get enough/good marks due to your negligence and easy attitude. Well there is no substitute for hard work. If you want science and have the analytical reasoning to do it you can opt for science. But do get an aptitude test done. It will convince your parents for sure.

PP, Jabalpur.

Q. My six year old wets his bed even now. He is growing up and now we are worried. We thought he will be okay with age but he is embarrassed now too. He went to stay at his cousins place and there too he wet the bed and they made fun of him. After that he is feeling shy and negative to talk to boys of his age and stays at home. He also bites his nails and gets irritated soon. Please guide us. Who will be the right doctor or counsellor? Should we bring him to you?

Ans. If you find it difficult to come to Nagpur then it is possible to talk to him online. We offer tele-counselling services routinely for people who cannot travel, stay abroad or for any other reasons. Just call up for tele-counselling or check my website for details. It is a simple procedure actually. I will talk to the child too and understand the matter. He will need counselling to get over his emotional disturbances, his embarrassment and improve his habits. He needs to enforce physical training for his bed wetting and stop biting nails which is a symptom of emotional issues. I need more details to know the reasons for his two signs. Don’t worry though- he will be fine.

“Set career goals”- 9 June 2019

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 July 2019 19:19

I.K

Q. I Have Celebrity (Model&Serial Star) Friend On Social Media, We Talk Everyday He Treats Me As His Close Friend Not A Fan. Suddenly I Received Follow Request Of His Close Friend, I Accept Too But He Started Dirty Talks &Made Unjustified Demand Of V.Call (In Objectionable Condition).I Blocked Him. My Friend Is Involved/He Is Doing All This?!!! Though He Never Talked Directly Like This To Me But Used To Say I'm Beautiful & My Pics Particularly Which He Liked His Friend Too Has Liked Shall I Block Him Too!!!!?

Ans. I have written more than once about these types of deception on the social media. How do you know that the guy you are talking to is actually the same model and serial star? This seems to a common strategy of enticing young girls into friendship which seems to be decent and polite and then using sweet lovey talks for requesting for your pictures. Once you fully trust the person and put your faith and belief in him he betrays you. He may be part of a big group of men and boys who are enjoying your pictures and your silly romantic talk with the fellow. Of course you need to block all such characters and strangers and not indulge in any kind of friendship nor share pictures. Do not create any risk for yourself and your life for future and keep yourself limited to known people in your neighbourhood and city. Trust the boys in your college and your community, they are safer.

P.D Jabalpur.

Q. I am a 17 year old guy with a dream to represent team INDIA in cricket but have no support of parents. My parents want me to become an Army officer because my father is an ex Army man. So please kindly help me. I will be grateful to you.

Ans. This is a matter of great deliberations. A career choice needs assessment of talents, reality testing in terms of probability of success and the consensus of all in the family specially parents. You need to assess your achievements in the field of cricket so far since you are already 17 in age. How much of your talent in cricket have you honed and displayed in matches and competitions? What is the evaluation of your cricket coach about your future? We need more details to make a decision about whether you should choose cricket or any other career. Army is a good choice but quite different from the love for cricket! You must choose the career of your choice whether cricket or any other. Cricket and such games where you play for the country have no scope for mediocrity or ordinariness -you need to be the best in your field. Other common careers have scope for the ordinary and mediocre talents too where life can be secure and steady. Your family would help by getting into an open ended discussion about your career by discussing all possibilities and all choices open to you without any emotions biases. If you get stuck with cricket and your father with the Army no common ground will be covered. Drop biases and discuss with logic and reasoning considering all pros and cons of all choices. We can help you with an aptitude test and a counselling session to help you make the best choice for your future.

K.S

Q. My son is just not interested in studies. He has gone to std 10 and says he is not interested in studies. We know he has the ability to study but fail to understand him. He is like this since few years. He likes to play and roam with friends. He also sticks to his mobile and plays games on it. We are troubled parents. Please suggest some remedy.

Ans. We need to find out the reasons for loss of interest in studies. There could be many possible reasons. One could be a condition of learning difficulties such as difficulty in specific subjects such as maths, science or English or any other. The second could difficulty in concentration, comprehension, memory, writing expressions or many more areas of concern. It could also be a reflection of emotional reasons such as depression, anger and other emotional disturbances. Please bring him once for counselling and if he does not agree for it bring him for an aptitude test for career planning. Giving him a clear goal will also help him tremendously to focus and look forward to a clear goal. There are careers for all types of talents and abilities. We need to assess them through an aptitude test and give him a focus to look forward to.

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