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“The benefits of psychotherapy are many”- 26 August 2018.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 09 September 2018 12:19


Q. I feel very lonely. I cannot live this way. My friends tell me I am in depression. How to know madam that I am in depression? I am a student of final year and will start working next year. I am a good student and want to make a good career for me and my family. My father died when I was small and my mother worked hard to bring us up- my brother and me are very close but we fight a lot also. All the time I feel sad and need someone with me. I think I cannot live alone and then how will I work and lead a happy life. Please help me madam.

Ans. Yes, you do seem to show symptoms of depression. Feeling lonely at all times, needing someone with you most times, feeling sad generally, and also fighting frequently are signs of depression. Your concern about living alone when you get to work is a serious one and it is important for all to have the ability to live alone if the situation arises. Generally no one likes to live alone and we like to live in company of others but at some point of time you may have to live it by yourself. Do come for a few sessions of counselling so that we can help you get rid of your depression and also help build your strengths and mental resources to face the challenges of life boldly. I am sure we can solve your problem.


Q. My son has a peculiar habit of hurting himself with a knife or a sharp object. He has many marks on his body at different places. We showed it to the doctor and he gave some medicines too. Does he need counselling? We live in a town away from Nagpur and travelling will be difficult. He is also unwilling to come with us. He gets angry and starts shouting a lot. He is losing interest in studies and sleeps a lot. He likes to stay at home most times. Please guide us.

Ans. Your son is showing signs of emotional disturbance and counselling helps a lot in unravelling the underlying causes of the disturbance. He indulges in what is generally called as ‘self injurious behaviour’ or ‘self harm’. He likes to inflict pain and harm on himself –he may be in depression, anxiety and something more than that too. He gets angry too and also sleeps a lot according to you. Medicines are useful and necessary in such situations but the process of psychotherapy and counselling is important too, for medicines don’t talk back to you and understand your problems. It works on the bio-chemical level and sorts out many things but in any mental health problem the personality too gets impacted. In other words, your thought process, your emotions and your actions even get affected with the illness which is addressed by psychotherapy alone. Do seek an appointment and you will witness the benefits.


Q. I am married for 15 years now. I have two children and they are very nice kids. I am okay in my life except for my husband who has started drinking too much recently. He does not tell his problems and keeps drinking. He is a good man and a good father to children. He does not beat or shout like men do but is polite and quiet. But if I stop him from drinking he now tells me not to disturb him. I don’t know what the problem is with him. Please explain to me madam – what should I do?

Ans. It is nice to know that your husband has a good nature and is a good human being by being a good husband and a father. But his recent excessive drinking is changing his nature and is beginning to worry you. This could have a few explanations and you could explore them further. The first one is to find out about his circle of friends with whom he has started drinking and the second is find out is he has got into financial debts /loans or has alternately given loans to his friends who are not returning the money now. This means he is either in loans or losses. The third reason could be an affair with a woman- which could be a recent phenomenon- such things can start anytime in life. Be careful how you investigate things but do try to find out the reasons for the change in his behaviour.

“Allow girls to flourish”- 19 August 2018.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 22 August 2018 18:44


Q. I am student of class 11th preparing for JEE examinations. However my dream is to serve in Indian Air force. But I am unaware of how to get into the army. After surfing on internet, I found that girls cannot directly enter into army. So I need your help in order to know how to get in army?

Ans. Girls can enter into the defence services only after graduation or post graduation and not before. After graduation, there are various examinations held twice a year for different fields, whether army, air-force and navy and after passing the written exams there is an SSB interview which you need to clear. So far women were not allowed to fly fighter planes in the Air Force and this year we saw this age old belief being shattered as three young women received training as fighter pilots and went on solo flights! The government has also allowed women to be on permanent commission from this year instead of short-term commission.


Q. I am an ambitious girl but my parents are forcing me to get married now. I belong to a conservative family which is traditional and we have a large community. All the time they nag me for this and that and trouble me. I am losing confidence as I have started doubting myself and my talents. I have become negative in mind and have become irritated easily. I answer back and then feel bad about it. Please help me madam –what should I do? How should I deal with them and what should I tell them?

Ans. This is truly pathetic. When a girl is ambitious and wants to make a good career why should parents stop her and force her into marriage prematurely, is a big moral-philosophical question. Talent has to be nurtured and when we educate girls we must allow them to use the education. But you cannot make enemy of your parents too for they have brought you up and given you an opportunity for education. I would advise you to request them and plead with them for a few more years of time before marriage. Assure them that you are keen to marry and that you will marry a boy of their choice but they should allow you a couple of years more for gaining some work experience. Convince them of your good intentions and be polite. That always works better- polite and assertive and firm in your stand. Do not give in to pressure.


Q. I have been married for more than 15 years and now I think I cannot stay with him anymore. He is getting more and more angry every day and last month also tried raising his hand. Is something wrong with him? Does he have a psychiatric illness or what? Life has become miserable. My two children are also scared of him and don’t want to talk to him anymore. I am a working person and have a decent salary. My friends tell me to leave him and my family says no. I am terribly depressed and unhappy. My work has also become slow and make too many mistakes. What should I do? I cannot decide what is better for my children.

Ans. This is always a difficult dilemma to resolve. Your family must be thinking on conventional lines of what will society say and how will a woman live alone and all sorts of traditional beliefs. Your friends must be more modern in thought and approach. Your mind is in between the dilemma. You will have to take a practical approach to resolving this moral conflict. Do not think emotionally nor culturally but a very realistic and practical perspective will help you decide. Weigh the pros and cons of the both the situations, life with him and its plus and minus points and similarly life without him and its merits and demerits. This will know which side is beneficial to you. As far as kids are concerned, they need a happy and healthy atmosphere in comparison to a home where there is continuous conflict and strife. An environment full of fear, aggression and hatred is detrimental to the emotional growth and healthy development of children. Moreover over the years they begin to learn these wrong coping strategies. Sometimes it is better to move out into a safe and clean environment so that children are exposed to better behaviour and attitudes. They will develop good personalities. Of course a father figure has a big importance in children’s live but only when there is love and affection too. If they fear him what is the use of his presence in the house? But please give it proper thought with patience or else come for a session for sharing more details about your current life and future options.

“Career traps”-12 August 2018

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 16 August 2018 11:01


Q. I am a student of class 12 preparing for IITJEE. I want you to heal my issues. 1. Laziness 2. De-motivated and depressed through parents (exactly the same story of Q2 in your previous EMOTIONS blog). 3. Time Management. Almost 60 topics , 6 months and a lot of excessive backlog pressure. Really B.TECH from IIT only a way of succeeding for me. Truly I want to become a teacher but circumstances are tending to give me ENGG. tag. 4. The last and the most important, UNSTABILITY in my mind .This is the most affecting poison for me. After having good results in tests, I am really overwhelmed and fall in second test really heartbreakingly. 5. How to control my EGO? These are mine questions to you. Please try to mention these in your BLOG in THE HITAVADA.

Ans. You say that your main problem is that you are de-motivated and depressed due to your parent’s expectations and feel lazy and cannot manage your backlog due to paucity of time or bad time planning. About your statement about ‘IIT being the only way for succeeding for you’ is not your statement but that of your parents, I presume? For most parents in Nagpur feel that IIT engineering and medicine is the only two options for success in life for their children. This has become a fad and a trend and an unfortunate reality in this city due to the mushrooming of coaching centres aimed at these two professions only. They have influenced the minds of parents like no-body’s business and messed up the reality of life and living. The fact is that a degree is only a stepping stone to your vocation and calling in life. You must first know what interests you and what you can do with success and then decide the degree. We are catching the bull by its tail rather than its horns. This is an illogical logic that has crept into the minds of parents and taken roots. It is sheer nonsense. The number of students reporting with depression is caused by wrong choices of career (mostly being forced into engineering and medicine), leading to failure, loss of money, loss of years and loss of prestige and self esteem. If you like teaching, please go ahead and choose it as a great career. However you will need to choose a subject of preference for teaching in which you will specialise and attain degrees. You will also have to appear for the NET/SET examinations which are necessary for applying for teaching jobs in colleges. If you are want to teach in a school, then, the qualifying examination is B.ED. I hope you know the subject of choice and how you are going to proceed with your dreams. It is good to know what you like and what you want to do and it is equally important to have all the information about fulfilling your dreams. A session on career counselling will help you clear your doubts to take an informed decision. Get out of your inertia and get going with your dreams. It is your life and you have a right to lead it well with the choices you want to make. About your query on ‘ego’ it was unclear to me what you are searching for. Please make it more clear next time or when you come with an appointment with me. I wish you all the best.


Q. We were a group of 7 friends in college with some boys and some girls. All was nice and friendly. We went for picnics and movies and wanted to create something new in our life. We did social work and helped small children with education free of cost. We took regular classes and all were happy. Then the group broke up and we fought like mad and made angry insults at each other. One was a smoker and would take alcohol now and then –we tried to stop him and he would not. Another strange thing that happened was that two boys started liking one same girl and the girl got confused. She left the group after getting angry and lots of crying and stress. The boys fought badly and spoiled the group. I feel sad and lonely and depressed with my life. I feel lost and unhappy. Is there a way of re-joining the friends and being together? Please help me. I am losing my mind.

Ans. I would advise you to come for a session of counselling. You seem to be depressed and confused and lonely. That is a bad state of mind. I hope you are in touch with at least one or two of the friends from the broken group? Please keep in contact with them and even if it has become a smaller one, maintain whatever is left of it. The ones who have left will generally not come back and you should not pursue them anymore. I am sure you have done your best already. Such college groups and for that matter groups anywhere in the world undergo a lot of changes as they are dynamic in nature. People get into variety of equations with each other and then fall-out too. Take it as a learning experience and move on. Once you finish college you will make new friends and new groups in your work area!

“Make balanced and informed choices”- 4 August 2018

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 16 August 2018 10:58


Q. I would feel great if you answer my few questions. I am student of 10 grade. I have a lot of confusion in my mind about becoming a psychologist like after my courses will I be get a high paid job? Do I have any scope in my state Chhattisgarh? What if all my studies go in vain in my city Raipur? I want to be settled with my occupation and lot more things I have doubted. Please advice

Ans. Psychology is a great career but the job market is scarce. You may not get a high paid job in psychology as such. It also depends upon the specialisation you take up- organisational and industrial psychology gets you into the good/ big companies with full functioning HR (human resource) departments. They are well paid according to the industry standards and can be a good option. If you like clinical psychology, then, the jobs are few for besides teaching in colleges you could apply for a few hospitals that employ clinical psychologists. The best option after clinical psychology would be to think of a private practice after internship for a few years for practical experience. Since you are in final year of school, I am happy to know that you are seriously thinking of your career in a proper manner. A session on career guidance would be extremely helpful to clarify more and finer details. We could answer all your queries to help you take the right decision.


Q. I want to switch my career from doing engineering to arts. I love geography and history. I love to read history and tell about it. My family felt what will I do with arts –I will only become a teacher in school. I can do science and do it well but my heart lies in other subjects. What should I do? Can I make a career out of history or not? Please help me settle my mind.

Ans. History is a great subject and so is geography. All arts and humanities subjects are great reservoirs of knowledge. No subject is bad. But most people choose careers based on market demands and economic reasons which is also a vital point of consideration. Lucky are those who can combine subject-love with earning as well. History offers job opportunities in the civil services, in archaeology, museum curators, historians and teachers and professors in colleges. You could work as an engineer for a living and continue your love for history as a serious pursuit/hobby and make some sense out of it later in some way. Then you could make a switch in career.


Q. I want to study abroad and get away from India. My family can afford it but will not agree to it. They want me to stay here and get into the business. I don’t like it here and have always dreamt of going to foreign country. It is difficult to convince them. They feel I will get spoilt and all such funny things. Please guide me

Ans. Yes, it makes sense on the part of your family to want you to join the family business. If you are the only son, you may have to consider it at some point of time. However for educational purposes, you might have a stint abroad for few years. It is a good exposure to learn the work ethics and the civic sense that people have. You have not mentioned the course of study you desire for all courses and all universities are not good and you need to be a very good student to get into a good university. Getting spoilt has another angle to it- many parents may feel that if you get used to the life there you may not like to come back. That also spoils their plans to hand over the business to you. Why don’t you like India is a surprise to me- it’s your own home and country and not liking it speaks of some things. To see the world and to seek good education abroad makes sense to me. Clear your mind about your goals and your conflicts with your family and take a sensible decision. I am sure your parents would agree to something that sounds reasonable and sensible.

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