“Check Fear and Anxiety” 21 December 2025

KL

Q. I am a 15 year- old girl, currently in standard tenth. My parents are quite strict when it comes to my studies and I have been consistent with my studies, but they keep demotivating me by saying things like “you’re good for nothing”, “you can never go above average level” etc. I feel suffocated and feel like running away from my home. I don’t feel like sharing anything with them because if and when I do, they never understand me. It is becoming too much for me. What should I do? 

Ans. If you are consistent with your studies and feel that you are doing your best, then nothing else matters. Of course, it must be demotivating for you when your parents don’t see your efforts. At times, parents think saying such statements will actually motivate you and push you to do better. However, it is important for them to understand that it is impacting you emotionally. You could talk to them directly about it and tell them how you feel when they talk like that. Use statements like ‘I feel hurt when you say such things’ instead of ‘You always demotivate me by saying such things’. This way they would not feel like you’re blaming them and at the same time, they may understand the impact it is having on you emotionally.

Anonymous 

Q. I have a 15 year- old son, in class tenth right now. He was always good in academics, but nowadays he just doesn’t study. He is always on his phone or roaming around with his friends. Me and his father both have tried everything to make him understand but he just doesn’t listen. I think it is his new friend circle, he doesn’t hang out with his old friends. He has started back answering and I’m afraid he’ll continue to distance himself from us if we keep scolding him. Please guide.

Ans. If a child has been good in studies all these years and now-a-days he is distracted, then, probably he is facing hurdles in his studies which he is not accepting. He is denying his problems and seems to be running from them. He must be finding this group of friends more fun rather than focusing on the right things. At his age, peer group friends become more important than what parents say at times, and that is why he is picking up bad habits like back answering you when you try to correct him or give him advice. There could be some other reasons too, for a shift in his behavior. Talk to him and ask him if he is having difficulty in studies or is he involved with a girl. Listen to him carefully without interrupting him and you will understand some facts. Do not lecture or advice for that will not work. Ask him questions patiently and allow him to speak. Otherwise, bring him for a session and that would help us understand and help him better. 

AH

Q. My 10-year-old daughter is displaying signs of anxiety according to her teacher. She often refuses to attend school or social activities. She frequently worries about me falling ill. Her sleep patterns have also been disrupted, with frequent nightmares and difficulty falling asleep. Her concentration on studies in school has deteriorated. She cries often and is most times restless and fidgety. The school is suggesting counselling and evaluation from a psychologist. 

Ans. The teacher rightly picked up on the signs of anxiety your daughter is showing. Often, it is linked to either home environment, environment in the school or difficulties in learning. Introspect into what could be the causes of anxiety. Did someone in the family fall sick with a serious illness? Did some conflict or arguments take place at home? Was she bullied or teased in school? Is she slow in studies and has difficulty in some subjects? You could bring your daughter for a counselling session so that we can understand what is triggering her anxiety. Once the trigger is known, we can take care of the rest.