Handle the criticism with optimism – 06 Dec 2009

C.U (via email)

Q. I am a mother of four years old daughter and married for 6 years. My hubby is a very good looking person working in government sector. I am an ordinary person with simple looks. After six years of marriage he always feels he could have married to better looking girl. I knew his feelings from the day of our engagement but at that time I was not having courage to tell these things to my parents. But now I need your help to overcome this problem. His behaviour with my daughter and me is nice but when he utters the same thing I am depressed. What shall I do?

Ans. You should check him the next time he mentions it. You could use some humour instead of expressing hurt feelings to him. Nothing can be done now and it is childish if after six years he still expresses his frustration about your looks. You could brush up your personality and learn to be a happy and optimistic person. Whenever your husband expresses such sentiment just laugh it off and give a positive reaction. If he is nice to you and your daughter he is generally happy with you and during anger or depressing times he must be making a dig at you. Take it easy and lightly.

Baba (via email)

Q. I have excitement problem. I get excited over small things and also get depressed, tensed over small things. I am very introvert kind of person and having stage fear. I don’t like studies much so whenever exam time comes I study because I have to. But when I was having my last paper so I get excited that I will become free after these papers and I can’t get interest and concentration in studying for last paper. My willpower is very weak. How to improve willpower?

Ans. You seem to have multiple problems. Introverts have fear in their minds about many things especially stage performance and social interaction. You do not like studies too. For your excitement you must learn to keep your mind calm and relaxed. You can achieve this by regular meditation or yogic practices.

Will power can be improved by having firstly clear goals about your career and your life and then setting about to achieve them step by step. A few sessions of counseling about your problems would be recommended.

Shradhha (via email)

Q. I am a girl of 10th std. I need to know the solution to my question which has been troubling me. I want someone to be mine, who would be just mine. I want a true friend. I just fantasize about the guy who would belong to me. Is it necessary to have someone who would accompany in every situation? I feel lonely. I cannot talk frankly. I want someone who can listen to me who would understand me. Is it normal? Or should I just ignore everything and concentrate on studies? Does it happen to every teenager? Please help.

Ans. This is a normal need of all people. Loneliness is also a normal state of mind and therefore we seek the company of others. To have an intimate relationship is the most normal need. But civilised people defer many normal needs for they have higher goals which they want to achieve. The process of learning and career building is a long and arduous one and requires hard work and dedication. At your age an intimate friendship can easily become a diversion and a cause for distraction from the main goal. Hence such needs are best deferred for the future when you are mature enough to handle them well. In the meantime have good girl friends and have fun with them. With boys it would be advisable to have just good healthy friendships and nothing more.

Published in Hitavada Insight on Dec 06 2009