Peers influence so keep good company – 13 Dec 2009

S.N (via email)

Q. I am in love with a girl but the problem is that she considers me as her brother. Actually I did not have any special feelings for her but slowly it started developing in me and the day she told me that I am like her brother it shattered me. I also think that she likes somebody else. Actually I always think of her and it has started affecting my studies. I want to forget her but can’t whenever I talk to her. Actually I do not fall easily in love and as it was the first time. I don’t know what to do. Please suggest me.

Ans. You do not have much choice but to keep being friendly with her and not show your frustrations to her. Keep working to win her confidence as a good friend and not as a boyfriend. If she sees you as a brother let her do that without getting into controversies. I mean do not oppose her on that count. Tell her you are comfortable in her company whichever way she wants to be. She may begin to like you differently some day if you keep cool and pleasant and behave like a true friend. If luck favours you in love you would be fortunate. 

Sandip (via email)

Q. Actually for the last one and a half year I have become addicted to a social networking site and I want to leave it. Well this all started when my sister completed her studies and had to go to other city for job and I started feeling lonely in my house and I resorted to it. Well now I have become addicted to it and it is affecting my studies also. I tried to stay away from it for a month but after one month I resorted back to my old habits. Please suggest me some methods by which I can get rid of this habit as I do not want to spoil my career.

Ans. Think through your career goals seriously and focus on them. Remind yourself about them daily and surround your room with good motivational posters. Fill your mind with good thoughts and your long term goals. Keep good company for your peers can influence you a lot. Get rid of your bad friends and choose new good ones. Good friends can stimulate you into healthy habits. It is easy to get into bad habits as you have well realised. So high thinking and clear goals will keep you on the right track.  

Juily (via email)

Q. I am studying in 12th standard. I had a dream to become a doctor and I started studying for bio-CET after my tenth. This year(2009) I had a bad health and due to this I got admitted in the hospital two times once in June and then in September but I didn’t gave up. The continuity has been broken in September and October but I started studying in the end of November. I had not joined any tuitions for CET due to health problem and now 2-3 days ago I requested my parents to join me a tuition class (crash course). My brother (studying in 2nd year BE in Mumbai) says no for it and my parents take his side and now my mother says that I should do B.Sc. But I don’t want to do B. Sc, M.Sc and then an ordinary job. I request them daily for joining the tuition but they are not listening to me. I have lost my career and every single hope. I think now I will have to do B.Sc and we are like puppets in front of my parents and I have become a pet dog. Please advise me. I will wait eagerly for your advice.

Ans. You need to plan your career more seriously. Your parents and your brother may be foreseeing some things which you may not be realising. Elders have better insight into life and your personality than you may realise. Talk to them and listen to them with a calm, open and patient mind. You could discuss your points too and request them to listen to you patiently. An open minded rational discussion will lead to better decision making rather than making unilateral statements which conflict with your interests. Give more time before you decide finally and if the family fails to reach a consensus to your satisfaction, come and see me. Together we can take a wise decision for your future. Do not agitate and get depressed.

Published in Hitavada Insight on Dec 13 2009