“Managing emotions” 26 May 2024.

DG

Q. I am a mother of a 14 year-old girl, she is currently studying in 9th class. My husband passed away about a year ago due to cancer and now I am the only one looking after my in-laws and my daughter. After his death, it is almost as if my daughter has stopped talking like she used to, before. She bunked school for about a week which we found out after the school faculty informed me- she was just roaming around in the metro instead of going to school. She also doesn’t want to study or eat on time. She also tried running away from our house once, but failed to do so, fortunately. I understand that her father’s death has deeply affected her, but I am unable to manage her anymore. Please guide me on what to do!

Ans. Your daughter is undergoing a state of depression as she is still grieving the loss of her father. She has not adjusted to the fact that he is no more there in person. This needs to be addressed seriously and cannot be left to time to heal. She has to get out of the past and live in the present. Because of depression she is unable to do so and once she is treated, she will spring back to normal. I am not suggesting medicines tight away but counseling to begin with. It is never too late, bring her even now and we will take care of her.   

Anonymous 

Q. I want to seek help for my father since he is unable to control his anger…he has a bad temper and gets triggered very soon, so much so that he ends up breaking things and even beating me or my mother at times. I get very scared when he is in that state and start shivering. I ask my mother why she doesn’t do anything regarding this, but she just says “neglect it, he will calm down on his own.” My father does apologize once he realizes how his behavior affects us, but I am worried because of how things are when he gets angry. I don’t want him to go through any major health concerns like BP due to this too. What can I do? How to bring him for counseling?

Ans. Sometimes, it is better for someone senior in the home to suggest to him to seek counseling to control his anger. Perhaps, his father, mother or an uncle or aunt perhaps or the family doctor can be a good motivator. Your mother may be helpless and he may not want to listen to you as a child. Although you can try to explain and appeal to him to seek help. Take a chance and talk to him at least once – he may listen to you if you are lucky. If no one from the family helps, then seek the help of a good friend of his, whom he listens to. Besides his own health, it is not good for you and your mother too to live in a situation which is like a sort of ‘threat’ at all times. These sudden outbursts of anger can be very unnerving and unsettling for anyone living in the same house. It is imperative he seeks help and checks his behavior.