“Unwanted fantasies” 9 November 2025
MM
Q. I want to be a musician but my parents feel that I won’t earn much and I will be a failure in that career. My mother herself likes music very much and she encouraged me to learn music. But now she is not allowing me to pursue it as a full-time career. She is forcing me to take science. I don’t like it much. I like arts and languages and she is not understanding me. Can you help me in this please?
Ans. You can definitely make a career in music, it is possible to do so. The main thought parents have is that in such career lines early settlement is not possible, because it does not follow a specific path of taking a degree and getting a job. Also, to make a name in this field, you require consistent practice and have to work a little harder as compared to what you would be required to do in a 9-5 job. Hence your parents feel anxious in allowing you to choose such a career. Come for a session with your parents so that we can talk it out and find a middle ground so that you do not struggle and at the same time can follow your passion too. If you have the talent and are very hard working about making a success of it, we might be able to help your parents actually support you in your dreams.
EG
Q. I like a girl and keep day dreaming about her. She does not talk to me nicely but sometimes she smiles at me, which makes me even more anxious if she likes me or not. I keep thinking of her all the time, talking to her in my mind. I have made many calls to her and she does not pick up the call. She does not want friendship with me. But now I feel I should get out of this as I am wasting my time and my studies. I cannot and do not feel like studying. Please help me get out of this habit.
Ans. It’s good that you’ve realized that you are wasting your time and neglecting your studies. It shows that you have the will to work on it. You can immerse yourself in your studies and in extra-curricular activities. You can also develop certain skills like building your personality, or learning good English, or learning a new game like tennis, or badminton or football, you should enroll yourself in such a class of your choice. Physical activities and hobbies can help a lot in getting rid of unwanted emotions. You can also practice meditation or breathing exercises to calm your anxiety. Another thing is to stay among people and friends and reduce your time alone.
Anonymous
Q. I had a separation from my husband some years ago. Now, I like a man in my office but he is married and has two kids. He says his family life is unhappy as his wife troubles him a lot and he would like to marry me but I don’t know what to do. He is a nice person and cares for me a lot. He solves my problems whenever I ask for help and he loves me a lot. He talks to me every day. He says he will ask for a divorce from his wife but so far, he has not started the process of the divorce. I want to believe him but I am losing my patience. These days we have started fighting on small things and he is irritated with me. Please guide me.
Ans. This is an unfortunate situation. He might not ever start the divorce proceedings due to so many complications even though he may be true to you and your feelings. But his helplessness will take over and he will end up maintaining his marriage and at the same time will desire to have your friendship- this situation will persist forever. If you want marriage and settlement then you could either end this relationship as soon as possible, gracefully, or you can give him a time deadline. But this might add up to your pain because you will get more attached to him as time passes, making it more difficult for you to get of this relationship later. A session of counselling may help take a better decision.
