“Control your emotions- do not allow it to control you”- 16 October 2011

A.J

Q. I am student of 3rd year engineering college. I love a girl actually she is my classmate during school days. Whenever I meet her or talk to her the whole day I think of her. During school days she wrote a letter to me telling me that she loves me. I never replied but I thought it is just an attraction. During classes she looks at me occasionally. But now-a-days I frequently visited her house. The problem is I can’t concentrate on my studies. Year by year my % is decreasing. I want to study well. What should I do to excel in exams? Please help me.

Ans. Life has to be balanced between different forces. You must study well to make a good career and you must have friends too who matter to you. The problems arise when you are unable to balance both equally well. You can continue to think about her at times but you must also give sufficient time to your studies. In fact if you understand your priorities, then you should be giving more time to your career goals than your friendships. So control your emotions and focus on study goals. Think of your long term goals often enough and make plans. It will help you to exercise enough to clean the body of pent up emotions and mingle with male friends. Do not sit alone and brood. Get going!

AN

Q. My boyfriend hates me, for things I have never done. It’s heartbreaking to know that he trusts her more than he trusts me. I know his heart is pure, but how can he be fooled into so easily, how can he not see something which I can see so clearly. He is not talking for four months now. And situations are such that I have to face him every day at the workplace. I just can’t bear the look of mistrust and hatred in his eyes for me and I feel like dying. I have lost hope for everything in life and often keep wondering why right people are wronged. I try to keep myself busy in my work but it’s all mechanical. I can’t imagine life without him.

I don’t know what to do. Can you please give me a positive approach for this someway which would set everything right. I would be grateful to you. Waiting in anticipation.

Ans. It is advisable that you accept the fact as soon as possible that your relationship has ended with the guy for whatever reasons. Many times the reasons cannot be explained to the other person as he is not in a proper frame of mind to listen with an open mind. He has developed biases against you and that happens when he is blinded with his emotions for her. His heart is not pure as you say but she seems to have entered his heart. He might realise his mistake one day and the truth may dawn one day but that cannot be predicted when that will happen. You must take care of yourself first and soothe your frayed nerves. You could make new friends, pray, join a social group, or cultivate a hobby. Focus on yourself more and less on him. Your life should be more precious to you than him. Set your priorities and learn to live without him. Nobody is indispensable. He is not worth it.

R.

Q. I have very serious problem. I am short tempered because of this no one becomes my friend. On small things I shout on my family members because of this I feel like committing suicide. When my parents compare me with anybody I get hesitated. When somebody whom I know go anywhere always bad thinking come in my mind. I like one guy and I always think about him and I can’t concentrate on my studies Please madam help me.

Ans. You seem to have multiple areas of disturbance. First find out what are the areas where you are doing well enough. You must be happy about something in your life as well. Then think of your main problem area and the secondary problems. Try to solve one problem at a time on priority. It will help you to learn to manage your anger and to control other emotions as well. Controlling emotions and keeping the mind calm will help you introspect and deal with yourself better. Then you could deal with others in a better way too. Your parents must not compare you with anybody but must encourage you to do better and support you in your efforts. But you must give your best too in studies. If you have specific problems you cannot solve then please come and see me.