“Control your impulses”- 9 October2011


Q. I feel like committing suicide. I am in relationship with my class mate since 1 year. We had physical relations too. Then I proposed him for marriage and he shocked me by telling that he is committed because he loves another girl of his community from 6 years and I am just a friend and well-wisher for him. He also said that I am not of his kind. Before this he used to tell me about the same girl that she likes him but he hates her so he doesn’t reciprocate. I never felt like friendship with him, many times he said he loves me now I am not getting why he is like this? We shared endless calls ,messages as well as overnight conversation. Now he told me to get married with my parent’s choice as well as he too will with his girlfriend. He even stopped answering my calls and put off his mobile. Why this all happened, did he used me or he is with some other problems. Please tell me the solution otherwise I will end my life.

Ans. It seems obvious that he has made a fool of you. He has used you and thrown you out. Let this be a good lesson for you in judging people. Never make hasty opinions about people. Also learn to control your impulses. You ought to maintain a good distance from them so that you do not fall into traps. He seems to have a trap for you and you fell into it. Give him a piece of your mind and forget him after that. A good slap would be ideal. No discussions or arguments with him please. Just act. Be bold.


Q. Actually I am a student of B.Sc Ist year. After my 12th in 2008, I had chosen engineering and was quite serious about it but I failed in two subjects. I got admission for 2nd year under ATKT. In my 2nd year I had a brawl with some students which was quite serious so I quitted engineering. In 2010, I took admission for B.Sc  but after few days my dad was hospitalized and after few months he expired. So I couldn’t concentrate on studies and I failed in my first year. Now my problem is that since I quitted my engineering I have developed a fear in my mind. Whenever I see brawl on streets my heart beat suddenly raises and that memories during my engineering days becomes fresh in my mind. Now it’s almost three years and now I feel like it would have been better if I would have continued engineering. I feel very worried about my career, I couldn’t make any stable decision. Sometime I feel like I should do MBA, then thinks CS would be better, and after few days starts searching for some other options. Up to 12th I was a fun loving guy who used to enjoy life but now I think I am completely changed. I mostly stay at home, don’t like to go anywhere, don’t like to interact with people. Now what I want is all those memories should be completely removed from my mind I just want to concentrate on my present so that I can have a good future.

Ans. It does seem that you have messed up your career and your mind as well. Before taking any further decisions about changing your course of study please think many times. A good session on career guidance will help you explore yourself and your best career options. You also seemed to have developed some form of anxiety / fears in your mind which haunt you. A few sessions of counselling will be necessary for that too. Three years is a long time and you should have been stable by now. Do not waste more time in brooding.


Q. I am currently in polytechnic final year. My problem is that when I was in tenth I was very close to a girl who is my neighbour but she was very selfish she did not want me to score good marks and started distracting me. But somehow I managed to score 80% in my tenth, and after that I took polytechnic course. But still she was jealous and again started distracting me. Then I met a guy through her, firstly we were very good but as time passed there were problems between us and I started losing concentration in studies and I failed in my exams. After that I tried to cope up with my studies but I found it difficult and failed constantly due to which I lost my year. And now somehow I have cleared all my subjects and again joined college. Now my problem is that I am not in talking terms with that girl and that guy is still with me, he is also not in good relation with her now. But now when I see her I get scared because no one knows about my failure and I start crying and I feel that she will come to know about me. Please tell me how should I overcome my problem. Am I having any problem?

Ans. The girl still seems to be on your mind. She has an effect on you. You will have to work on yourself to remove her power over you. She should be irrelevant to your life. Hence your success or failure should be of no consequence to her. She may have forgotten about you but it is more in your mind. Build your self esteem and your confidence levels so that you can face anybody boldly. You might take some sessions for personality enhancement.

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