“Empower yourself with positive goals”- 31 January 2016.
Anonymous.
Q. I am a B.A.M.S. graduate and I am going to start my practice soon. I am a very introvert person, and have few friends. My mother is of the opinion that I am very much in love with my own voice and does not want to listen to anyone else (she feels I am ‘ghamandi’, pardon). In my teenage I made efforts to change her view but to no avail. Now the present situation is I have 1 year old daughter and I lost my husband after 13 months of my marriage. Ours was a love marriage. I was happy with him but his father was a real miser. He tried to manage the situation, but after his death I had to leave his place as I could not have handled myself. So I came back to my mother’s place. My mother gave me everything I needed but did not give me the emotional support that I needed. It’s been nearly one and half year since my husband’s death but I still keep asking myself, was it my fault , what wrong have I done. I try to make myself understand that this is not the time to think about such things and pull myself backwards but my mother doesn’t leave a chance to blame me. So there are so many things in my mind and when my daughter makes some mischief, I take out all my anger on her. I keep telling myself, ‘one moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you several hours of regret” but I need help. I really don’t want to hurt my daughter, she is my world, one tear from her eyes makes me feel like I have committed a big crime. Please help.
Ans. I am sorry to hear of your personal troubles. Life has been unfair to you in many ways. But your biggest strength is your professional education and your desire to set up your practice. You also have a child to nurture which is a great goal to pursue. Take whatever support your mother can from your mother and focus on two goals- one is your child and second is your practice. Learn anger management or get into physical activity for stress release. You can have a great life ahead and be a good mother.
M.M
Q. I am an MBA in HR and a married woman since 5 years now to my husband whom I knew 3 years before our marriage. Initially he pretended to be the best man on this earth then after few months told me that he drinks occasionally but later I found he drinks very frequently almost every day. Before our marriage he often shouted on me & threatened than he will neither marry me nor allow me to marry anyone else. This led me to a deep depression. After treatment & our marriage, he never likes to go anywhere with me alone. I am always been accompanied by my brother’s in-law or his 3-4 male friends for honeymoon or movie/travelling respectively. Since then due to his alcoholism & lack of our privacy, we often have quarrels which extends the limits of domestic violence, such as physical, mental, psychological, emotional, financial torture. He humiliates me in front of his family member & insults my parents in front of me. Always tries to de-motivate me by blaming me for everything. I have lost my self confidence. I am unable to think of my own. There is a constant fear of him. I am a perfect wife if I behave like his puppet. But in my illness due any gynaecological problems or any circumstances he doesn’t care to give me even a glass of water. I have a 3 years old son who is getting impacted by such incidents. I feel helpless. I am not able to take any strict step of my own. I feel to commit suicide. Please help.
Ans. Domestic violence is a crime under 498 A Criminal Procedure Code and you can file a complaint in the nearest police station in the Mahila Cell. If you can gather support from your family and tell them the truth so that they can help you. You can take him for de-addiction treatment or for marital counselling. If nothing works the best option perhaps is to move out of the marriage and start working to make a career. You are depressed and would need counselling and/or medicines to get out of it. You have a child to take care of so never think of ending your life. Think about him as your goal of life.
