“His love will inspire you”- 23 October 2011

R.J

Q. I am a student of 1st year engineering. I lost my father last year. He wanted me to become a successful engineer. Even I want that but I am losing my confidence day by day and feel like losing. Please suggest me something.

Ans. Losing a parent is a great and irreplaceable loss. But you must do something to overcome this pain and trauma and get back to routine. It has been a year now so there has to be time when you stop grieving and get back to good mood. You may be feeling insecure about life and also feeling many more emotions. But remember all the good things that he taught you and also remember his expectations about you and focus on them. Remember his love for you. They are your inspiration in life. His words will guide you if you follow them seriously. Try to remember all that he did and said to you. Be brave and bold and face life squarely. There is no escape route from life.

W.X, Amravati.

Q. My mind is always going towards my friend who I love very much. She is not beautiful but very nice nature. She is helpful and caring. But she says I am not good for her. She says I am too good for her. I don’t understand what she says. She talks to me and messages me many times. Sometimes she stops talking to me and tells me nothing about her. All this confuses me and makes me depressed. Please help me with some suggestions.

Ans. Sometimes people are ambivalent about others. This means that sometimes she likes you and sometimes she does not. This is her personal problem and nothing to do with you. Another reason could be that she may be having confusing emotions about you. In the sense she may like you but not enough to plunge herself totally into the relationship. This could be specific to you and your personality. So whatever may be the problem, you must take care of yourself and your emotions. If you love her deeply, then allow het enough time to decide and do not push matters. Also give her lots of space and distance by not calling her at all for long periods. If she misses you she will take the initiative. If she does not for a long time, forget it. She is not worth the trouble.

X,Y,Z, Raipur

Q. I want to do fashion designing but my parents want me to do science and engineering. I hate Maths and science too. My dream is to become a designer. They do not allow me and have forced me into science. I will fail and they will kill me. They will throw me out of the house or they will stop my studies. I am scared of my father- he is very strict and always forcing me for this and that. They say fashion is bad thing and not good for girls. They say science has respect and money. How should I convince them? Please help me or I will run away from home.

Ans. Unfortunately the socio-cultural stigma of some professions still persist in traditional minds. Many modern thinking parents have allowed their children to choose whatever they feel they have an aptitude for. No profession is bad. But yes, some careers may still be underpaid and do not have good future prospects in terms of money and growth. But fashion designing is the most upcoming industry and has great scope. You should take a clear decision and then promise your parents that you would not walk the ramp or do fashion shows, but only design clothes or market clothes or something which is behind the scenes. You are not going to become a fashion model. Make them see reason and sit for a discussion with them. Have several rounds of discussions. Do not take science if you find it difficult and do not have an aptitude for it. Another way is to get your aptitude tested so that your parents get convinced about your ability. We would also counsel them after the test is done. That is a scientific way of doing things. Maybe you will be allowed to pursue your dreams once your parents are convinced about your honest intentions.