“Compulsive habits die hard”- 30 October 2011

Q. I lost my father some months ago and I am feeling very depressed. My marks are going down and my mind is not focused on studies. I feel angry with all and fight with all even my mother. She is also depressed and keeps crying. I do not have any sister or brother and feel lonely. My father had expectations from me and I feel bad that I am letting him down. Please help me madam as I cannot concentrate on anything. I am not sure of my future any more.

Ans. Please come for counselling as you need to recover from the loss of your father. If there is nobody to share and understand your pain, then you would need to be counselled. Your mind must still be in grief and so is your mother, it seems. It disturbs you to see her crying and suffering so much. In fact if she was strong and bold she could have taken care of you but that is not the case. She is an emotionally disturbed person and would need some care taking and counselling too. It would be better if you could take charge of your emotions and calm down your agitated mind. Accept the reality of his death and take charge of your life. You can do it however difficult it may seem.

Q. I have a girl friend who is very funny with her behaviour. She tells lies and I have caught her many times now. She is flirting with some other boy but tells me that he is her brother. She goes out with him for shopping and restaurants. She tells me all funny stories which is difficult to believe. I have lost my trust in her. But I love her and we have spent many years with each other. Our families know each other. My parents like her but how to tell them about her nature?

Ans. Old habits die hard. People who are habituated to lying cannot over it easily. In fact they may never grow out of it. It may become a compulsive behaviour. Secondly she also seems to be a flirtatious sort of person and this theory of the boy being a brother is suspect. For he was indeed like a brother she would take you with her and him as well. She would have introduced you to each other and would have been comfortable in the company of three. But the fact that she lies and does things behind your back is not proper for you to tolerate. You need to rethink your friendship and perhaps end it gracefully. That would be in the best interest for you. Living permanently in a dishonest relationship is traumatic.

Q. I am a final year student of a professional course. My problem is that I have lots of negativity in me. I interpret everything negatively around me. I am very short tempered too. I feel very bad for all small things that I do not like. My friend is very nice. But I fight with him and later I realise that I have wasted my time. He is also pursuing his higher studies. I keep on thinking something negative the whole day. Please tell me how to concentrate as my exams are next month.

Ans. You would need a few sessions of counselling to identify the exact nature of your problem and your negativity. There could be many causes for such a state of mind and behaviour. You could have a history of unpleasant experiences at home or with friends or some traumatic events that have left their mark on you. Do try to stop your negative thoughts whenever they come and try to think positive. Do this as many times as required. Tell your mind to think positive at all times. Control and calm your anger and be quiet. Do not argue or fight. If nothing helps counselling is the only choice.

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