“Unhealthy relationships” 8 June 2025
Ak
Q. I am a working woman from Chandrapur. I was in a relationship and was very sure about getting married to him. He is a good and well- educated guy working in a company but 3 months ago I came to know that he is an alcoholic and some where a drug addict. After knowing this I broke up with him. I was mentally disturbed so I came to my hometown. Here I came to know that my parents have searched a guy for me. My parents are very happy about it but I am very guilty about myself, I haven’t moved on and now I am unable to understand if I should marry that guy or not. I don’t want to spoil my married life. I am very depressed. Can I have a good future ahead? Please guide me.
Ans. It is good you broke up with your boyfriend once you discovered that he was a drug addict and an alcoholic as well. It must have been a shock to you since you were aiming marriage. You have shown lot of courage by doing so. You do not need to feel guilty about a bad relationship as you have your best and good intentions but it did not turn out as you desired. It is not your fault at all. But yes, you may need time to process your emotions, recover from the shock and prepare for another commitment. There are a few options- one, confide in your mother about the past; two, have one meeting with the guy and see how you feel; three, tell the guy you need time for commitment, fourth, say no to your parents for marriage and ask for time. Of course, you will have happy times ahead, and you will get over with it. Please come for a session if needed.
VB
Q. I am in a relationship from past five years. The problem is my girlfriend lied to me a lot of times but now she realized that she made big mistake. But now, I don’t trust her and I always doubt her. I always think she is hiding something from me because of this I always shout on her and am not able to talk freely with her. I want to be with her and marry her. But I am not able to understand anything. Please help.
Ans. Some traits in a person do not change much even though time may have passed. If your girlfriend has a habit of lying, she may do so every now and then. Shouting your head off will not decrease it. If you plan to marry her you will have to be ready for such behavior in future and you will have to accept her as she is with all her faults. If you actually love her, she must be having some positive points and strengths in her personality which attract you to her. You may rethink your idea about marriage and evaluate her as a partner first. Do not marry her just out of love but to have a good married life. This decision concerns your whole life and a mistake will prove costly. Come for a session, if you would like.
RM
Q. I love a girl and she too love me. Every time I want to correct her mistake she refuses. She gets angry, stops talking to me and starts crying. I can’t understand her behavior. It is affecting my peace of mind. What do I do?
Ans. It would help if you stop being critical of her and correcting her mistakes. It depends on how serious the mistakes are. Also, if it is her nature, then she would not change too much. Changing somebody is not your responsibility. People change only when they are willing for change. Picking mistakes becomes unpleasant and harms the relationship. Instead of correcting her mistakes, why don’t you try talking to her about what upsets you and what you would like her to change and let her respond. Have a dialogue with her- don’t be a teacher. She is not your student and therefore feels disrespected, angry and starts crying. Treat her as an equal and communicate respectfully.
