Q. I read your columns in one of the editions of The Hitvada. I really needed some advice you seem like my last hope. I’m a 21 years old girl. I’m pursuing a degree in law. At first when I joined college I thought maybe its beginning and that’s why I’m clueless, but now I’m about to complete my degree and still remain confused. Somewhere I always knew this is something that I don’t wish to do in life. But I had to do something seriously regarding studies so I did it. I love performing on stage, I wish to join theatre and dancing and pursue a serious career in it. But I know my mother will never be okay with that. My mother wants me to give various competitive exams and settle for a good government job but to be honest I do not wish to do that… I can’t bear the fact that 10 years from now I will be doing something that I don’t enjoy. The fact scares me that I would not be able to pursue my dreams. My mother asks me every alternative day about which exams I wish to give and regarding the preparations. I have not guts to tell her what I literally wish to do and also the fact that I do not wish to go against her will no matter what happens. I’m just in a dilemma and am so confused as to what I should be doing. Should I settle for what my mom wants me to be or should I be completely selfish and pursue my dreams which I know she will never be happy with. Now it’s my happiness vs. Hers. Please help me figure out my situation and provide me with a solution cause its high time I’ve to come to a decision now.
Will look forward to your reply soon.
Ans. This is an extremely unfortunate situation, where you are forced into a lifelong career which is not of your own choice. You seem to be a submissive person and have not asserted yourself with your parents about your likes and dislikes about your future career. Career is a lifelong affair and needs to be planned carefully in detail with conversations with your parents. I am surprised that your parents have not understood their own daughter and do not know what do you like and dislike. They do not know your personality and do not know what will keep you happy and motivated lifelong. It seems their evaluation about your life is their own fancy creation and part of their own unfulfilled desires. The communication gap seems to be from both sides where they have not understood you and you have not asserted yourself properly out of whatever reasons. The best thing for you to do now is to start whatever you like doing as a hobby and pursue it seriously. You should start investing some energy time and money in whatever you love doing. It is important for you to be happy in activities you love doing and at the same time it is also important to earn money and be independent in future. After graduation you could join courses in theatre and drama- there is FTII, Pune and National School of Drama, Delhi. There are private academies and Institutes too. I hope you have taken part in amateur theatre and drama. That is why starting it as a hobby is important. You should be able to talk to your parents openly and frankly since now you will be completing your formal education and would be prepared for working life. I fail to understand what is the fear and apprehension in your mind. You are not born to fulfill the dreams of your parents but you are born to actualize your potential and your true nature and live up to it to the best of your capacity. We all love our parents and care for them and also try to live up to their expectations if it matches our own. It is good to have higher expectations in life but they cannot determine what it should be and what career path you should choose. The simple reason is that talent is different in different people and making a wrong choice in life leads to a lot of frustration, discontent and eventually failure. You need to stand up for your rights and explain things to your parents. Tell them you care for them and love them and will make them happy in whatever career you choose. Tell them they will be proud of you one day. Negotiate with them and request them to allow you to experiment for a few years!