“Move ahead- take action” 15 August 2021
“Conflicting and confusing behaviour of my wife”
Q. I am a 48-year-old male. It’s has been 19 years since I got married. It was arranged marriage. I thought we loved each other but to my shock discovered about 5-6 years ago that she has been cyber cheating me by chatting with multiple men. What is disturbing is that she shares lot personal and family details with strangers. She even landed herself in trouble once and lost some money. When she could not handle it, she came to me and I helped her even though I was very angry but forgave her. Unfortunately, she continued with her activities right under my nose. I caught her several times and every time she apologized and I forgave her. I even took her elder sister’s help who scolded her severely but just recently I again caught her chatting with strangers she calls friends. What is confusing is that she is otherwise a perfect wife and takes good care of everyone including me. She is a working woman in government sector. I lost my job last year and now struggling to earn even 15k, when I was earning 50k until last year. All this has shattered me and I don’t know how to handle it. Please advise.
Ans This is an unfortunate situation in your life. Your wife cheating you with several men is pathological. Your wife seems to be addicted to social media and to cyber-sex. Extramarital affairs is always common phenomenon and it is not strange to discover that your partner who seems to be very good wife to you is cheating you. That she refuses to stop her immoral behaviour is a matter of concern. Sex addictions are deep rooted personality problems and do not go away easily. The only way to resolve is to bring her for counselling by issuing a threat of separating out. You can tell her she is sick and needs help. Although this is not the most desirable outcome, sometimes, the threat is the only way to bring around a partner to the negotiating table. It can be used as a strategy for treatment and reconciliation.
Q. I am 26 years old independent girl who is in long distance relationship from 10 years with a guy. We love each other and want to get married but the boy mother is not getting ready at all for our marriage and neither my parents are seeing his mom nature. Actually, my boy-friends mother is real sister-in-law of my ‘maasi’ and they had a very bad relation with each other and on top of that my ‘maasi’ has extra martial affair which came to know in their family and due to that her husband left her and she is staying with her boyfriend along with the kids. This is the main reason my boyfriend mom does not want to see me neither talk to me. My boyfriend is ready to marry me without his mother but I am not because he is single son. Please suggest man what can be done.
Ans. My advice to you would be to listen to your boyfriend who is ready to marry you without the consent of his mother. This is the best commitment he can show to you. Most times it happens that parents who do not give their consent initially begin to slowly and gradually come around to accepting the reality of the marriage. Once the marriage occurs and you begin your new life and decide to ignore his mother, she will come to the realization that ultimately it will be her loss if she does not accept you and the marriage which is now a reality. Till the time you are not married she will continue her emotional pressure and scare tactics to stop the marriage. Her mind is riddled with certain prejudices and biases against your family and has nothing against you as such. This is very strange indeed. She does not value the 10-year-old commitment of her son. She will accept the marriage soon enough. Her son is right about going ahead with your plans. I am sure he knows his mother well enough. Move ahead and be happy.