‘Change your attitude to evolve and grow’. 23 June 2024.


Q. I am 31 year old from Jabalpur. I work in a bank, I have two kids, one is in 9th std and another one has just completed his 12th std. I am divorced- my ex-husband lives with his second wife in another city. I come from a background where my mother and father both were very abusive, they used to beat me, chain me if I did not behave in a way they wanted me to. I had a very horrible childhood. I came out of that when I got married my ex-husband has helped a lot through it but my marriage has ended because of me only. Sometimes I used to get furious for no reason or maybe for small things on my ex-husband because of which he got very tired of it. I also have put my kids in a situation where they could not deal with me and they tell me, they don’t want to stay with me. They have also told me that they hate me and once gone they’ll never come back, I am afraid to lose my children now. I don’t know what to do. I feel that I have inherited these traits and they get projected in different ways. I am unable to handle things now. Please help me.

Ans. The insight you have into your own behaviour and the awareness that you need to change your attitudes and traits is the best way ahead to evolve and grow. Once you have understood this need, the path ahead becomes relatively easier for you to seek help and change yourself. You have suffered a bad childhood which resulted in unhealthy personality traits which you realise today. You are already half way through the process of development. The rest you will have to seek regular sessions of counselling and therapy and you will begin to feel better. Your children should also be involved in the therapeutic process and they will become your supporters and strength. All the best to you.


Q. I am a 15 year old and I have just gone in 10th std. I live with my aunt for study purposes. My aunt is working and she has two children, both twins, studying in 5th std. Her husband is always travelling to different cities regarding his work and comes home only on weekends. The situation is that I have to tend to the twins every now and then and help them in many ways, even studies. I am not able to do my work or study properly and my scores have declined and I am getting punished for my incomplete work. I get anxious thinking of the future since this year I will be having my boards too. My school teacher had called my aunt, but she never turns up, I shared my problem with her but she really doesn’t care. My parents do not know any of this. And I really don’t understand what to do? I end up frustrated and stuck. Please help. Ans. Well although this is a difficult situation, you need to discuss your problem with your twins and make them understand. They are big enough to comprehend your situation. Make them your ally and not an ‘enemy’. Tell them you will spend more time on your own studies and that you should be left alone. They can become more self-reliant and not bother you for small things. Search for a reading room or a library where you can prepare for your exams. And be bold and assertive about your needs. Do not fight or criticise, handle the situation well. The family is bound to support you in your goals.  

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