“Prioritise and Postpone”- 23 February 2014
ABC.
Q. I am a 14 year old school girl. I had an affair with a guy who teaches IT in our school and parents were unaware of it. There’s one more teacher (my class teacher who is an old man) whose niece is my classmate. There’s a cut throat competition between both of us and her uncle (my class teacher) often goes partial with me to prove his niece brilliant. My boyfriend and my class teacher, as they are staff members are good friends and spend most of their time together. Before few days the matter got exposed to everyone in the school and my parents too. Actually one of my friend’s who had an affair exposed it because her matter was known to everyone and she couldn’t bear it. When our class teacher came to know about her affair he asked her about me also. She told everything she knew about my affair. But my class teacher says that he already knew it and he also knew all the messages and calls we made to each other as he tapped my boyfriend’s cell number. When my parents came to know about this relation they told me that the guy was doing time pass with me and they also told that now he himself is showing my love messages to everyone to defame me. They feel that my class teacher had told the guy to make an affair with me so that my attention from studies should get diverted and I wouldn’t be able to give a merit in 10th std. After my parents came to know the affair I felt very guilty about my mistake and after that I never messaged him, nor mailed him, talked him nor called him. But I don’t believe this guy cheated me. From the messages he used to send. The words he used to talk, I can never imagine that he’ll betray me. I am completely mentally disturbed due to this catastrophe. Even now when the matter is closed I am not at peace. In school whenever I see him this question irritates me whether he really cheated me or not. He stares at me continuously and I feel embarrassed. I can’t simply ignore what my parents told me about him coz it can be also true but I can’t believe this also that he cheated me. I am completely disturbed and I need answer to my question that he really cheated me? Please help me. Tell me what I should do?
Ans. This is an unfortunate incident. Firstly students and teachers should not get involved emotionally and the responsibility lies on the teachers to behave them-selves and not misguide students. Whether he has cheated you or not is a secondary matter but we know that matters like this have to end like this- where the school management gets involved and the issue gets blown out and both parties get hurt. To save his skin and his job he may have put the blame on you? We do not know the truth and the truth in such cases can never be known. You are a young innocent girl and this episode has disturbed you. Even he likes you he may have been cautioned to stay off from you and that is best for both of you. Think of it as an experience that has taught you some good lessons and always keep them in mind. As a young girl you will be more affected than him as he is an adult and can handle himself better. So stay away from adults in future and make friends with your peers who understand you better. Take it as a learning experience and stop searching for further truths. Whatever you experienced is the truth.
XYZ
Q. I am in 10th std and I have a boy friend. He is a very nice person and I love him. He loves me a lot and we both know each other since childhood. We were neighbours also once. Our families know one another and my parents like him too. Recently I saw him talking to another girl and laughing with her many times. When I ask him he says it is nothing. But this is disturbing me and I cannot study and cannot concentrate on my exams. I am very upset madam and start crying for silly things. I think I am stupid and silly but I cannot take it out from my mind. He still loves me only he tells me but my mind does not rest. I think of many negative things. I sometimes feel I should stop talking to him and but I cannot do that also. Please advise me.
Ans. The best thing to do would be to stop talking to him till exams are over. Postpone all personal matters till exams. Intelligent human beings know the art of prioritising and postponing. In life at all steps we have to do it and that is what maturity is all about. Take one thing at a time and deal with it successfully. Then pick up another issue. Do not fight or argue with him –just tell him that you will talk only after exams. If he is a sincere guy he will realise his behaviour and his mistake and make amends.
ABC.
Q. I am a 14 year old school girl. I had an affair with a guy who teaches IT in our school and parents were unaware of it. There’s one more teacher (my class teacher who is an old man) whose niece is my classmate. There’s a cut throat competition between both of us and her uncle (my class teacher) often goes partial with me to prove his niece brilliant. My boyfriend and my class teacher, as they are staff members are good friends and spend most of their time together. Before few days the matter got exposed to everyone in the school and my parents too. Actually one of my friend’s who had an affair exposed it because her matter was known to everyone and she couldn’t bear it. When our class teacher came to know about her affair he asked her about me also. She told everything she knew about my affair. But my class teacher says that he already knew it and he also knew all the messages and calls we made to each other as he tapped my boyfriend’s cell number. When my parents came to know about this relation they told me that the guy was doing time pass with me and they also told that now he himself is showing my love messages to everyone to defame me. They feel that my class teacher had told the guy to make an affair with me so that my attention from studies should get diverted and I wouldn’t be able to give a merit in 10th std. After my parents came to know the affair I felt very guilty about my mistake and after that I never messaged him, nor mailed him, talked him nor called him. But I don’t believe this guy cheated me. From the messages he used to send. The words he used to talk, I can never imagine that he’ll betray me. I am completely mentally disturbed due to this catastrophe. Even now when the matter is closed I am not at peace. In school whenever I see him this question irritates me whether he really cheated me or not. He stares at me continuously and I feel embarrassed. I can’t simply ignore what my parents told me about him coz it can be also true but I can’t believe this also that he cheated me. I am completely disturbed and I need answer to my question that he really cheated me? Please help me. Tell me what I should do?
Ans. This is an unfortunate incident. Firstly students and teachers should not get involved emotionally and the responsibility lies on the teachers to behave them-selves and not misguide students. Whether he has cheated you or not is a secondary matter but we know that matters like this have to end like this- where the school management gets involved and the issue gets blown out and both parties get hurt. To save his skin and his job he may have put the blame on you? We do not know the truth and the truth in such cases can never be known. You are a young innocent girl and this episode has disturbed you. Even he likes you he may have been cautioned to stay off from you and that is best for both of you. Think of it as an experience that has taught you some good lessons and always keep them in mind. As a young girl you will be more affected than him as he is an adult and can handle himself better. So stay away from adults in future and make friends with your peers who understand you better. Take it as a learning experience and stop searching for further truths. Whatever you experienced is the truth.
XYZ
Q. I am in 10th std and I have a boy friend. He is a very nice person and I love him. He loves me a lot and we both know each other since childhood. We were neighbours also once. Our families know one another and my parents like him too. Recently I saw him talking to another girl and laughing with her many times. When I ask him he says it is nothing. But this is disturbing me and I cannot study and cannot concentrate on my exams. I am very upset madam and start crying for silly things. I think I am stupid and silly but I cannot take it out from my mind. He still loves me only he tells me but my mind does not rest. I think of many negative things. I sometimes feel I should stop talking to him and but I cannot do that also. Please advise me.
Ans. The best thing to do would be to stop talking to him till exams are over. Postpone all personal matters till exams. Intelligent human beings know the art of prioritising and postponing. In life at all steps we have to do it and that is what maturity is all about. Take one thing at a time and deal with it successfully. Then pick up another issue. Do not fight or argue with him –just tell him that you will talk only after exams. If he is a sincere guy he will realise his behaviour and his mistake and make amends.
