“Anger can be controlled”- 16 February 2014


Q. Lately my nature has become aggressive. I have begun to think that my parents appreciate my brother’s work more than mine. They love him more. Although I know it’s not such way but I can’t control my thoughts. And eventually whenever my parents scold me or even advise me I become aggressive. My mind is not at peace. I request you to give me some tips to stop thinking this way and become more calm. I don’t want my nature to be aggressive. I can’t come for counselling. You can give me some tips which I will practice at home myself.

Ans. Jealousy with one’s sibling is quite common and you seem to be suffering from that. You know that your parents love both of you equally but you cannot control your negative thoughts. Find out what makes you jealous of your brother? Is he more intelligent than you, does he get better marks than you, is he allowed more favours than you, do your parents tend to praise him more because you are sometimes aggressive and ill behaved? Ask yourself these questions and search for these answers honestly within yourself. Introspection will help you find the truth and help you calm down. Accept the truth, face it boldly and learn to appreciate your brother for his good points. Have a free and frank talk with your mother and ask her for a feedback on your strengths and weaknesses. She may do a neutral assessment of your personality. Listen to her carefully and try to overcome your weaknesses. Convert your thoughts into positive ones and always try to think positive about yourself and others as well. You could try physical exercise as well as mental relaxation. If all does not work request your parents for a few sessions of counselling.


Q. My friend is suffering a lot since her childhood. She lives with her parents and two brothers- one is elder than her and one is younger. Her parents hate each others, they daily fights with each other as well as abuse each other. Her mother is so violent and wicked. She beats her very badly with a pipe, stick, chair, utensils, and bangs her head against the wall. She is fed up of all this. Even her mother does not allow her to study. She is a graduate, she wants to do masters but her mother won’t allow her to leave home. Even her mother is totally against her marriage, she says that if you get married then I will kill you. Her mother is so stubborn and behaves like a wicked person. Her mother kills insects like cockroaches, grasshoppers etc in tiny pieces. Her mother has a heart problem but always refuses to take major treatment. Her mother can’t adjust with their relatives. Both paternal and maternal relatives never come to their home. She cries all the day. Neither her father nor her elder brother only her younger brother supports her but he is too young now. But whenever he supports her he is also beaten by his mother. She has swelling and so many injury marks on her body. She does all household work. Her mother loves her son too much. She is suicidal now. She wants to shift in an NGO. She can’t tolerate now. We do not know what to do?

Ans. Your friend’s mother certainly suffers from a mental illness and she is not of sound mind. She therefore indulges in abnormal behaviour. I cannot understand why her father and elder brother do not protect her. It does not sound normal at all. She is an adult and can report the matter to the nearest police station in the woman’s cell. Every police station has a ‘mahila cell’ as they are called. She should register her complain there and tell them to help her mother seek psychiatric care. She could leave home if she gets a job and can support herself. There are counselling centres run by NGO’s and they can be approached for help too. Kindly contact me on phone for more details.


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