“Reality and Daydreams” 4 February 2024
ABC,
Q. I have a bad habit from long. I did not know about it. I saw a movie and one friend also pointed out to me. I am in higher secondary school and I recently realized about my daydream problem. Instead of focusing on my studies I start imagining all sorts of things. I did not do well in my last board exams and it was because of this habit, I think. Instead of being in the present I daydream of future or silly things of the past. I go over small details over and over again. It is stupid of me I know. Can I deal with it and stop it? Can I be cured of it? Can you help me? Is it a serious problem? Please guide me.
Ans. Yes, we can help you with the habit of daydreaming. It has many causes and once we know the reasons, we can help you overcome it. Its good you have at last identified it and want to deal with it. Your friend has done a good deed by pointing it out to you and you gathered the courage to write to us for help. If you can come for a session or two, we can deal with it properly. As you have rightly pointed out, the habit is maladaptive, if it is in excessive proportions, as it hampers your progress. You agree that you did not do well in your last boards but once you get rid of the habit, you can achieve more. Sometimes persistent daydreaming happens when you are mildly depressed and lack skills to engage yourself fruitfully in activities that you would love to do. It becomes a compensatory activity. It, could also be a difficulty in attention and concentration making you escape into daydreaming.
XYZ.
Q. I like a girl in my class and she keeps looking at me which disturbs me. If I try to talk to her, she does not respond- she goes away from me without looking at me. I think she likes me too but is very shy. I am also a shy person and don’t have the guts to approach her with courage. I feel scared and hesitate. This is making me go crazy. I am a good student and have my final exams coming few next months, but I am not concentrating. Can you help me solve this? Can you tell me how I should talk to her and tell her my feelings? Why does she run away and not talk to me?
Ans. Well, there could be many reasons why your class-mate does not talk to you openly in the campus. There could be cultural reasons of values and disapproval of such behavior from society and family. There could be her own personality traits of being shy, submissive and uncertain of making a move. You are also shy you say and not courageous enough to approach her. According to me, if your exams are approaching in the coming few months, it would be best not to disturb her or yourself by opening a dialogue. Learn to postpone the issue for now and keep it for post exams. In case you cannot postpone it, you could find someone (like a friend) and share your thoughts and ask her/him to deliver a message to her. Not a written message but a verbal one of course. It may work.
