“Stretch your intelligence to study hard”- 24 February 2013


Q. I am a mother of two kids and one is good in studies and the other not so good. He always has a problem in academics. Somehow he has now reached 9 Std and manages to pass. I am very worried about his future career and his studies- he is not showing interest in studying. We have tried everything and my husband and me feel very tensed because of him. Please guide us. We do not stay in Nagpur and do not know whom to discuss this with. Please guide us and help me with my child.

Ans. Your child would need to be assessed on Intelligence and also on specific learning disorders. These are the two most common causes for poor performance in studies. According to you he always showed a slowness in studies and this is an indicator of either below normal intelligence or learning disorders (intelligence being normal or higher than normal). Find the nearest psychologist and request for these two tests. I assume that he is physically fit and has no other behavioural problems that may be interfering with his studies. You could also take an appointment with my clinic and come for the above investigations.


Q. My exams are near and I am not studied for that my head pains and I have stress. My mind thinks in excessive mode and it goes blank whenever I sit down for study. What should I do? Please help me and guide me for quick methods so that I can pass with decent marks. I am in the 12 Std and one more thing if you think I should take a drop and continue next year please advice. I am waiting for your suggestions.

Ans. This is what happens when you build a huge backlog for whatever reasons and do not have the habit of studying daily. The mind will go blank and you will tend to lose your confidence. Now the best thing to do is to be selective about your studies and do not try to study all the chapters. The second thing to do is to keep your mind calm and relaxed and focused on studies and only studies. Try to maximise the available time by studying day and night and only studying. Do not allow your mind to get distracted by negative thoughts, negative emotions like fear/ worry or day dreaming. If you believe in God you could try praying, calming your mind and thinking only positive thoughts. Stretch your intelligence and your mind as much as you can and get going. No use crying and worrying –it is the most useless emotion. Get to work and get the results.


Q. I am a young intelligent girl and am working in a company since 8 months. I met a nice man in our office and we became friends. He was very nice to me and helped me a lot with many problems I had in a new town. I am really depressed and sad and shocked with his behaviour madam as I came to know from another person that he is engaged and going to be married soon. He did not tell me and that is hurting me. We talked so much but he did not tell even once that he is going to be married. We were chatting on mobile for hours and sometimes at night too. He tells me now that he was going to inform me soon about it but he did not. My head is spinning and I don’t know what is happening to me. Please help me and tell me what to do.

Ans. This indicates a certain closeness that you might have developed with him during these months. You feel cheated and betrayed that he did not disclose his personal life to you. I could think of a couple of reasons for it. One could be his personality trait. Some people can be very secretive about their lives and they take a long time to disclose themselves or they may never do it also. Even if they are friendly and helpful they will extend a listening ear to you but will not tell their personal stories to others. The other reason could be that he wanted to get close to you and know you better and he thought that telling his engaged status would upset you and you would decline the offer of friendship. This act of his indicates a little bit of cheating on his behalf because he is leading you into wrong thinking about him by not telling the truth. This can be hurting and upsetting to you. In such a case you should stop talking to him and say goodbye and wish him well for his marriage. Do not continue friendship with him.

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