“Wrong choices lead to dejection and rejection”- 25 March 2012

ABC

Q. I am a Hindu girl and I love a Muslim boy. We both love each other and want to marry each other. He says that his community will not allow it and if he does marry his family will face a lot of problems. What should I do? I want to marry only that boy and nobody else. What should I do?

Ans. If the boy does not agree then you have no choice but to forget him. He knows his limitations and does not want to take the risk of hurting the sentiments of his community nor his family. Nowadays mixed marriages are becoming common and parents are accepting it however with some difficulty. If, both of you, are serious and committed to each other then you could try to convince your parents to accept your stand. But if your friend does not want to take a risk or convince them, then forget him and go your own way in life. No need to waste your time and effort on a losing proposition. Spending more time on him will only hurt you more in future. If you aim to marry happily and have a family then go look for a better proposal or leave it to your parents to do the needful. You could request them and they will be very happy about the same. Why not make your parents happy instead of running after a fellow who does not have the guts.

Atul.

Q. I am in total confusion about my future life. I am doing science but I want to act in films. I love singing and dancing and acting too. So far I have not acted but I know I can do well. My parents want me to do something typical like medicine or engineering but I hate both of them. I hate this life and want to run away from my family and this life. I feel very depressed. Please help me to understand what to do.

Ans. Yes, you do sound depressed. You could be helped with proper career planning to decide your course of action if you do not like science. Acting and films can be a good option which can be discussed with your parents too. They must agree to the choice as they will be investing in your studies and they can take only a calculated risk with it. You could request them for one session of career guidance and counselling and we could throw up many options for you. You may not opt for the traditional careers as your parents suggest but you will have to plan it well before you take a final decision. A wrong choice leads to failure, dejection and rejection.

Anonymous.

Q. I feel very anxious and depressed. I am married may years and my husband and I fight every day. There is no day without fighting. We were happy for some years and now I find it difficult to adjust to him. I think he hates me as he does not talk much with me. He always tries to avoid me and keeps going out with friends. He has a large number of friends and he goes with them and does not take me. I feel lonely and sad. I do not have many friends too. Please advise me. I cannot come for counselling.

Ans. Marital discords can happen any time between spouses as time passes. There has to be some reason(s) for this condition. Find out the reasons for his strange behaviour. Is he finding a fancy for someone else? Is he interested in another woman? Is he indulging in gambling or alcohol with his friends? Does he have problems at work and money matters? Try to find out some clues about his behaviour. Or introspect about your own behaviour and find out what behaviour of yours irritate him? You might change your approach to handling him. Alternately, you could ignore him and keep busy with your life and friends. If you are a working woman you could immerse yourself in your work and allow things to follow its natural course. You could seek counselling for your problems so that some solution can be made. Matters can be resolved between the two of you.