Q. I am a 9th pass student. I don’t at all believe in love but these days, I have started to think about a guy. SOMETIMES, my friends feel that I am obsessed with him. I know this is not love. I try to convince myself that I don’t have a crush on him. I don’t want to have a crush on him. It just does not feel normal when I think about him. I feel that there is different type of attraction. Please tell me how can I not think about him in this way? Please help me so that I will not think about him so much and it will all be normal.
Ans. Your dilemma is quite interesting and normal. It is okay to feel some attraction for a boy at this age. But of course you are right that it is not love. It may be a positive feeling about him but that is all. It is better not to allow the feeling to develop into an obsession as your friends suggest. Please do not get into any sort of this thing of love and all. Stay away from distractions of this sort and get involved with better hobbies. Please concentrate on your studies as you should look forward towards your future because you should not forget that your parents are proud of you and surely if possible share your feelings with either of your parent whom you are more comfortable with as they will understand.
Q. I cannot concentrate on my studies. I am doing 1st year college in science and I don’t know what career to pursue further. I think of many careers but am not sure of what makes a good one for me. Sometimes I think I should try for government jobs after graduation but then I think of becoming a manager in a big company. Then I think I should go abroad and settle there. I am totally confused about my life. Please guide me. Should I meet you?
Ans. Career confusion is also normal among most students. I would guide you to take the career aptitude test which will help you assess your abilities and then I would counsel you to choose the right career direction according to your interest areas as well as your personality traits. It is a systematic process and scientific too. Many children have been helped with the test. Do not delay and do not choose a career just like that. You have already spent a year in college and it may go waste. So this time may a proper choice.
Q.I have one child where focus of both parent is too high on the child. Will this affect the personality of the child?
Ans. Yes, definitely the child’s personality is going to get affected if the pressure is too high and contradictory. In the sense, there are two things her, one is that too much focus on the child does not give enough freedom to the child to explore her or his own way in the world. The child may begin to depend too much on parents for everything and secondly may begin to turn rebellious as they approach teenage. The second factor is that if the parents have contradictory or contrary opinions and give instructions to the child in their own way, the child gets confused and stressed. The child may not know what is correct and which path to follow. The child might want to please both the parents as both are important to him/ her. Most single children I meet in my clinic would complain of being ‘under the spotlight of their parents’ and that it can be a factor for irritation and stress. So relax and give your single child enough breathing space to do things on its own. Keep a watch on your child but from a distance.