11 April 2021. “Do a reality check”
Q. I passed engineering a few years ago. I lost my good job during Corona and now with difficulty I got another one which is not in line with my specialty. I don’t enjoy the work; I work from home and they load it all on me. I hate it and want to leave it but my family wants me to continue to suffer because of the money. Every day I have fights and am feeling stressed and depressed. They shout me down and ask me to continue. I hate everyone for doing this to me. Can you guide me -am I wrong and they are right?
Ans. This is a call you have to take depending upon your life goals, your needs and priorities and the availability of resources. If you don’t need the money and can support yourself even if you quit the job, please go ahead and leave it. If you are relying on your parents to support you financially, then it depends entirely on them to agree or disagree. You cannot force them to agree to your demands. You must evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and plan your long-term goals in accordance with it. The decision should be based on an objective assessment of the reality situation and not on emotions. Keep your emotions in control and try not to over react to the situation. Love your parents and be dutiful towards them. The family is important and you need to communicate better with them. However, this does not mean your career preferences and likes and dislikes are not important to you. Care for yourself and love yourself too. Keep an eye on short-term and long-term goals. Sometimes we do things on short-term even if we don’t like them due to necessity. Take an objective look from far of your reality.
Q. Recently I started getting attracted to a young boy, much younger in age to me. He befriended me on social media and then began sending cute messages. I was treating him like a young friend but now it seems to be getting murkier. He is showing his temper to me if I don’t talk to him and misbehaves. It seems his involvement is more than mine as I have a family and am married. This was just a fun interaction and I never thought it would become like this. He would talk very sensibly and show maturity. He would make me laugh and I was enjoying a good time. He knows my situation and all about me. There is nothing hidden or lies that I have told to him. I thought he was a good company and nothing more. I have big college going children and he is a little elder to them. I don’t want to hurt him and disturb his mind and want to help him get out of the emotional attachment. How to do that? Is there a way to handle this better? I can come for a session of counselling too if you say.
Ans. There is no sure short method to wean him out of it without hurting him. He is already hurt and will be further hurt when you reject him. He has got entangled with you and wants your friendship in romantic ways. If he has lost control over his behaviour and has started misbehaving, then he has already crossed the limits of his civility. He treats you like his possession and will become more demanding with time. You mention that you were also attracted to him? However, if you want to get out of it, please do so. I can tell you that if you take a counselling approach towards him, it will not work. You will have to reject him outright and give him a suggestion to seek help from a counsellor. Get out of this and tell him it is all over and block him. Yes, you can have an online session with me to further discuss the matter.