“Accept your body image changes”- 3 September 2017.


Q. I am a very young girl and my life is ruined. I am not well and I have started having white hair. This, doctors say is due to illness, heredity and pollution. But this has upset my mind and I can’t go to school any more. My friends tease me as ‘buddhi’ and tell me that no one will marry me. Some said I should colour my hair and my Mother said no. My father will also not agree. Madam is my life over? I don’t want to live like this. Please help me.

Ans. Yes, we all care for our body and our physical appearance. It is called ‘body image’ and we generally accept and love our body image. Any detrimental change becomes upsetting to our self as negative thinking sets in. Let’s think a little rationally about it. You had/have an illness which has impacted you in some ways, one of it is greying hair. But look at the positive side of it, that you are alive and well and can live a normal life even with grey hair. It is a minor loss compared to many other bad things that can happen to ailing people. Hair is an external factor and can be done up with colour at a later date when you grow up. The chemical of colour may be bad for your illness too. If you are talented, intelligent and have a great future ahead, you can forget about greying hair and just accept it as part of your body image. You can smile at your friends and say ‘signs of wisdom’. The moment you stop getting irritated with your friends they will stop teasing you. Try it.


Q. Ours is a love marriage. After much fighting with parents, we got married by running away from home. We were happy for some time. But I lost my job and am struggling. My wife also left her job before we ran away. Nobody talks to us. My friends help us and support us but my wife has started fighting with me too. Now my wife is telling me that ‘I made her run away and she would never have done it’. What to do madam? I told her things will go away and we will be happy but she is crying whole day and started abusing me too. She hit me yesterday and I also got depressed with it. I feel like committing suicide. There is no hope for me if she leaves me and goes away. She says daily that she will run away to her father’s home. They might take her back. What will I do then?

Ans. This is unfortunate. Your wife seems to be in depression and would need treatment. She can be counselled to become normal and to become confident to face reality of life. Do not get depressed too in turn as you need to take of her as well as yourself. Such reactions happen when your mind is not totally prepared to face the consequences of ‘running away’ from home as the support of the family and community is lost. But please approach your parents and hers as well and ask for help. You could leave her at her parental home for some days so that she feels secure and relaxed. The marriage will remain, for nobody can dissolve or annul that without your consent. You should concentrate on getting a job, part time or full time, and take care of your mental health too. Do not despair, all will be well soon enough. Bad times do not last forever.


Q. I am in peculiar situation. I took medical with my own choice. No one forced me to take it. I passed the test and got admission. Now I am wondering if I made a mistake of taking medicine. It is not tough or anything like that but I feel sleepy in class and not interested in many subjects. I like some subjects only. What should I do? My parents will be upset with me if I tell them this. They will throw me out of the house and send me away to my Aunts place. No one likes me at home because I have always been a naughty boy. But I am serious about my career madam. Please guide me.


Ans. This situation needs deeper discussion and thought. We need to explore what are the obstacles in continuing with this course of study and if at all you want to change it, what will the alternative course of study that will suit you. It is certainly a difficult situation and you should objectively try to analyse it. If you like some subjects and don’t like some, you have to accept it as a ‘package deal’. You may never like all the subjects in any course of study. It is always like that. However, if you like majority of the subjects then it would be worth to pursue it further and complete it. A session of career guidance would be useful.

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