Q. I am a student doing BBA along with CA. It’s my 2nd year and I am totally frustrated as all my other friends are enjoying their college life and I can’t. It’s really hurting me that I can’t go to college and participate in college functions, sports, music or hang out with friends due to my article-ship. I know I have my future to look up first but I am totally feeling out of all the fun that I could have done, as I am a girl who is happy-go-lucky types. This frustration keeps on going in my mind and ultimately I end up crying alone. Can you please suggest something.
Ans. We have to pay the price for everything in life. Achievement also does not come free. Ask any achiever and they will tell their stories of sacrifices. Sania Mirza as a young girl also had to forgo parties and hanging out with friends for she was required to be on the tennis courts for hours of practice. But that hard work and sacrifice has paid her in terms of a glorious career, stardom and crores of rupees which a normal teenager cannot imagine. You have to weigh the pros and cons of making a good career and having fun and then console your mind and focus it. You could keep in touch with your friends through the mobile and also have one day (Sunday) specified for fun with friends. As a young mind it is normal for you to want to have fun but the life is full of sacrifices. And the ultimate fun in life is our work and the passion and fun for doing the work. Are you in the wrong career? Do you find CA studies and BBA boring? If yes, then it is a different matter altogether.
Juily (via email)
Q. I am in twelve standard. After Diwali the continuity of my studies has been broken. Now when I sit to study I can’t concentrate and there is lack of interest in studies. I have become very lazy. I want to throw away this laziness. Please give me some suggestion or I’ll fail in twelve standard.
Ans. The holiday has disturbed your tempo or else the backlog of studies has increased and that scares you. A break at such a crucial time of studies can be upsetting and distracting. The best to do is to calculate the backlog and give a few hours extra each day to complete it. It means that besides the regular quota of work that you must do also do some extra hours of study to complete the Diwali backlog. Do some physical exercise to energise your mind and body and go for walks in the fresh air. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and set clear study goals every day. Now focus entirely on your exams and imagine yourself succeeding in them. You must eat, drink, think and dream only about your 12th exams. Nothing else in matters at all till then. If all this does not work come and see me.
XYZ (via email)
Q. I am a student of std 10th. I have many problems which I have created myself. I had a best friend and I lied to her. A group of ten girls which included me decided not to let a particular news spread. One of the other friend was told some trivial things by me. The next day she told everyone that I told everything to her in order to gain popularity. I denied it as I didn’t do it. From the next day she started pressurising me. After a month I confessed the so called truth to my best friend. She called me selfish by heart. Since then we are just on talking terms since Diwali. I opened up my heart to another good friend of mine but she thought that I was lying. Now the whole group of my friends finds me unfaithful and hypocritical. They feel that to achieve anything I can go down to any level. They always ignore me. I never had friends as a toddler. Now they came into my life and went away. This has resulted to an array of things– I have started behaving unpredictably, I cry for every small thing. I just can’t forget my best friend and so people feel that I am obsessed about her. The only fact is that I have loved her as a friend. I am completely messed up. Please help me as this is taking toll of my studies and also health.
Ans. A group can gang up and victimise one person. You may be totally innocent or you may have erred a little bit. But the punishment they are giving you is much harsher than the mistake that you have made. But that is how groups function. They can be illogical, irrational and very harsh. Many people have suffered similar experiences. It is very difficult to convince the group as such. You could try talking to one or two sensible members and explain the situation to them. They might try to understand your point of view and then could talk to the others. The other alternative is to get away from this group and make a few new friends. Change your circle of friends slowly and you will feel better. The world is full of good people and you will gradually find nicer friends. That is if you keep an open mind and look around for new friends. Stop crying for people who do not care for you and your emotions.
Published in Hitavada Insight on 10 Jan 2010