Adapting to new environment is a challenge – 17 Aug 2010

G.S (via email)

Q. I am suffering from the aftermath of a broken relationship. The person I broke off with is my colleague and it’s difficult to ignore her as well. I really get disturbed recalling the things we both did in our relationship.

Ans. It is a painful period emotionally. It would help to meet and spend more time with old friends or even make new ones. Avoid being alone with your memories which only haunt you. Also get into some physical sport or activity of your choice. You could join a new course if you like. Do something to fill up the time that has been freed now. You could consider it an opportunity to engage yourself creatively.  

S, Rajasthan (via email)

Q. I am a 16 year old girl and am in love with a 24 year old guy. We both trust each other a lot. Actually the thing is because of huge age difference between us (about 9 years) and since we both are of different caste the chances of our marriage is too less. I will not compromise with my studies. Since I came in his life he is very happy. Earlier he was too depressed with his past. My cousin advised me not get too close to him. But certain things I cannot refuse him due to fear. Does age difference matters in our relationship? How should I tell him that I am young and not ready for certain things? I think that he should wait for few years till I complete my engineering! But I cannot forget him and deceive him. Please guide me.

Ans. Age difference at your age matters a lot since you two are in different stages of your life. When you also become a mature adult the age gap matters less. But at your age you are vulnerable physically and mentally so keep away as your cousin suggests. Learn to protect your self and your dignity, say no to things you should not be doing and focus on studies entirely. You could just consider him a friend and nothing more till you grow up. Keeping him happy is not your responsibility so do not make any sacrifices for him.    

Anonymous (via email)

Q. I have a friend [girl] whom I know from 3 years. Fortunately she is in my college and we are studying in the same batch. I fell in love with her last year and one or the other told me that she has a boyfriend. I later on asked on asking her she confirmed it. From that day onwards I am trying to forget the event but I am unable to do so. I want to keep a never ending relationship of friendship with her. Please help me out. I am unable to concentrate on studies

Ans. It is unfortunate that you have fallen for a girl who loves another person. There are two options for you- one is to woo her gradually by being friendly and good to her and the other option is to forget her and start looking around for newer friends and friendships. As a student who needs to focus on career making the second option is a better one. A lot would depend upon the type of girl she is and whether you two share common values and life styles.  

Anonymous (via email)

Q. I am an engineering student. I belong to a remote area. I am an introvert person. Here in the college I am not happy and satisfied although I am doing good academic performance. People behaviour towards me is depressing me. They make fun of me they laugh at whatever I talk. I am bit emotional I feel bad and get depressed. I don’t feel confident while talking with anyone. I always think my personality may not be good. I don’t have any good friend over here. I am also getting short tempered after all this kind of affair. Till senior secondary school I was a leading student of the class in my native place but here I find people are more talented than me. I am unable to make balance with my hostel life and study. I need your help to change such a strange situation with me.

Ans. Learning new skills and changing yourself will take time. Go slowly and do not get nervous. Firstly maintain your positive spirit and think well of yourself. You are a talented person and good in studies but you find yourself a misfit in an urban area. That happens to all people who travel to new places. Adapting to a new environment is a challenge and a task. Study people’s behaviour and their ways of dress and address. Then try changing slowly whatever you can comfortably change. As you become part of the crowd you will get accepted. Of course remember not to compromise your values too much.

Published in The Hitavada – Emotions Column