“Allow girls to flourish”- 19 August 2018.


Q. I am student of class 11th preparing for JEE examinations. However my dream is to serve in Indian Air force. But I am unaware of how to get into the army. After surfing on internet, I found that girls cannot directly enter into army. So I need your help in order to know how to get in army?

Ans. Girls can enter into the defence services only after graduation or post graduation and not before. After graduation, there are various examinations held twice a year for different fields, whether army, air-force and navy and after passing the written exams there is an SSB interview which you need to clear. So far women were not allowed to fly fighter planes in the Air Force and this year we saw this age old belief being shattered as three young women received training as fighter pilots and went on solo flights! The government has also allowed women to be on permanent commission from this year instead of short-term commission.


Q. I am an ambitious girl but my parents are forcing me to get married now. I belong to a conservative family which is traditional and we have a large community. All the time they nag me for this and that and trouble me. I am losing confidence as I have started doubting myself and my talents. I have become negative in mind and have become irritated easily. I answer back and then feel bad about it. Please help me madam –what should I do? How should I deal with them and what should I tell them?

Ans. This is truly pathetic. When a girl is ambitious and wants to make a good career why should parents stop her and force her into marriage prematurely, is a big moral-philosophical question. Talent has to be nurtured and when we educate girls we must allow them to use the education. But you cannot make enemy of your parents too for they have brought you up and given you an opportunity for education. I would advise you to request them and plead with them for a few more years of time before marriage. Assure them that you are keen to marry and that you will marry a boy of their choice but they should allow you a couple of years more for gaining some work experience. Convince them of your good intentions and be polite. That always works better- polite and assertive and firm in your stand. Do not give in to pressure.


Q. I have been married for more than 15 years and now I think I cannot stay with him anymore. He is getting more and more angry every day and last month also tried raising his hand. Is something wrong with him? Does he have a psychiatric illness or what? Life has become miserable. My two children are also scared of him and don’t want to talk to him anymore. I am a working person and have a decent salary. My friends tell me to leave him and my family says no. I am terribly depressed and unhappy. My work has also become slow and make too many mistakes. What should I do? I cannot decide what is better for my children.

Ans. This is always a difficult dilemma to resolve. Your family must be thinking on conventional lines of what will society say and how will a woman live alone and all sorts of traditional beliefs. Your friends must be more modern in thought and approach. Your mind is in between the dilemma. You will have to take a practical approach to resolving this moral conflict. Do not think emotionally nor culturally but a very realistic and practical perspective will help you decide. Weigh the pros and cons of the both the situations, life with him and its plus and minus points and similarly life without him and its merits and demerits. This will know which side is beneficial to you. As far as kids are concerned, they need a happy and healthy atmosphere in comparison to a home where there is continuous conflict and strife. An environment full of fear, aggression and hatred is detrimental to the emotional growth and healthy development of children. Moreover over the years they begin to learn these wrong coping strategies. Sometimes it is better to move out into a safe and clean environment so that children are exposed to better behaviour and attitudes. They will develop good personalities. Of course a father figure has a big importance in children’s live but only when there is love and affection too. If they fear him what is the use of his presence in the house? But please give it proper thought with patience or else come for a session for sharing more details about your current life and future options.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *