Counselling helps in resolving matters

Please note: Since 1992 from the inception of the column I take pains to edit the mails that I receive from readers and sometimes I also have to decipher the intent of the mail. At times the mails are too long reading like a personal biography. Repeated requests have been made to readers to write their problems in short (not more than 150 to 200 words) and also to write correct English and not in shorthand. Hence from today the mails will be produced as they are without me editing them!

Q. i m 22yrs old. i m in a relationship with a boy since one and half year. recently i have noticed that he is having account with adult finder and he is also getting social with 3rd grade girls on facebook . he have hurted me a lot. plz advise me what should i do as i m the eldest in family and my father has also expired long back and i need a responsible person. waiting for ur advise.

Ans. You are right in feeling disturbed about his habits. Such habits do not generally change as it is a mindset which allows such activity. It would be important to understand his personality and his needs. The overall personality is also important to know before we arrive at a conclusion. If you can consult me once with the details I could guide you properly and help you take a right decision.

Q. I am a student of 10th std. Basically rit now I am faceing with a problem. It is that now when I should be fully engrossed in studies my mind is not ready for it, insted now-a-days i feel like to just relex ,watch movies and sleep.I am losing my intrest in studies, now at this point. In short my attitude towards studies has changed and am lacking my sciencirity.Not that I am a very brillient in studies but just in 60-75%.But also my parents ,teachers say that if i do a bit of more hard work.i will surely do very well. My parents r really very friendly with me and never scold me for scoring less marks, but say that try and do more hard work next time.They have really great hopes from me, but I am not able to put it upto their hopes.They expect above 90% from me and now I am not understanding what to do.I really feel bad when I see their sad faces on my scoring less marks.I am now getting into depression and losing confidence in me. I dont noe what to do.Please help me…….please…

Ans. You are right about getting into a state of depression and losing confidence. You may have a difficulty in one or two subjects which scares you and makes you want to avoid studies. Or there is some other reason for your mental state. It would be advisable for you to come and see me once at least for discussion. Request your parents for a session with me. We could take care of it all.


Q. I am 35 years old and divorcee, but I look younger than my age so looks like of 27-28 yrs old. From very first day of my marriage I had bad experience, and it lasts for 1 and 1/2 yrs just becoz I was bearing and thinking that by time it will be fine. But I was wrong, got separated and 2 yrs back I took divorce. After that my interest from marriage is lost and had decided to be stable in 1-2 yrs and then adopt a girl child. For this I purchased flat for future security. I was away from home for 5 years so returned back to my home town and working in a company. I started liking one guy in office who is 6-7 yrs younger than me. I controlled myself but I fall in love. He or I not yet even tried to touch each other but I feel like this is true Devine love. He also loves me, but we both do not say anything to each other. Sometimes I feel like it’s difficult to get true love and I should grab this opportunity given by God by taking initiative. But sometimes I feel like it will be wrong step from my end if I do so, because he might love as he doesn’t guess my age. I don’t know what to do, but will not be able to remarry with any other that is for sure. He is the one whom I dream of from my teenage and our thinking and liking matches a lot.  Please suggest.

Ans. This is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. How can you be sure that he loves you, he may only be feeling some affection for you. It would be advisable to get friendly with him slowly and start talking about your life. The truth is important in matters such as these. You cannot get into another failure marriage. So right now do not think of marriage with him but only friendship. Also make it clear soon enough to him that you are looking for a marriage partner and not just friendship. Do not think of grabbing the situation as you say but go slow and steady. Come for counselling if possible.

Published in The Hitavada – Emotions 05 Dec 2010

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