“Grief follows a process of healing” 18 August 2024.
Anonymous.
Q. I want to seek help for my friend. She recently lost her mother to a terminal illness. While all the rites and rituals were performed, she neither cried nor did she show like it has affected her- instead she kept saying “doctors already hinted this”, “my mother won’t have to suffer anymore”. But now after 2 months have gone by, she is struggling to come to terms with her grief and feels overwhelmed by the sadness and emptiness she’s experiencing. She gets nightmares frequently, in which she sees her mother. She is unable to process those emotions and I’m afraid her condition will worsen if we do not take action. However, her husband and in laws are refraining from taking her to a counsellor and are shrugging off the topic saying, “it’s all in her head and she’ll be okay after some time”. Please help!
Ans. Grief follows a certain process of healing which may be speeded up with therapy. Counseling will definitely help her process the emotions which she has may been suppressing for too long. She might have been bravely facing the terminal illness of her mother and denying herself her emotions all the way. She didn’t cry even after her death. And now it all comes pouring out. She will be fine but many times it needs a dialogue with someone else to share and reflect. If not counseling she might take the help of an empathetic friend or relative who understand emotions and suffering. She needs to communicate and share herself to fasten the healing.
XYZ
Q. I am a 28-year-old software engineer, currently working in Mumbai. I am facing extreme work-related stress due to long hours, tight deadlines, and a demanding work environment. This has been going on since a while but now I am unable to deal with this anymore. I have started experiencing physical symptoms like insomnia and anxiety. I don’t feel like working anymore, however, I don’t have a choice since I have to take care of my parents, and the market recession has affected everyone for real so there are hardly any suitable openings out there. I get frustrated easily and at times feel like screaming out loud. Please guide me through this.
Ans. An analysis of what are the triggers of stress and what can be done to deal with it can help. You have broadly mentioned some aspects of tight deadlines and demanding work environment but you can probe deeper into the finer aspects of the trigger points. If you don’t have the option of changing your job, then you will have to change your attitudes towards the current one and save the job and yourself from the negative impacts. Many times, it is the negative reactions to a stimulus that generates stress and handling it positively with an attitude of acceptance can stop the stress. Acceptance is not surrendering and giving in or succumbing to the situation in a helpless manner. Acceptance is taking the situation in a holistic manner with the plus points and negative points as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and enhance your skills. Try it and see.
