Identify the exact nature of problem – 26 Dec 2010


Q. I am in 12th std preparing for IIT JEE but my 11th std physics and maths subjects are weak. But in 12th std because of the nice teacher that I got, I scored well in chemistry. I have confidence that I can clear the chemistry paper with good ranking but I don’t know how to cope up with maths and physics. Only 3 months are left and I want to crack JEE anyhow. I lack determination and willpower. Moreover I have become lazy and do not do the homework- that’s why my condition has become so worse. But even now I want myself to excel in IIT JEE with good rank. Please help me. Suggest me how to utilise the available time since I know that if I sincerely study and do the homework, no topic is difficult for me but the thing is that I have become lazy, that’s the problem. Please help me overcome my laziness by motivating me. Help me out with time management. Suggest me a good time table to follow. I have my tuition in the morning from 7.30 to 11.00. Tuition will get over by January, then I go to college thrice a week for practical from 12.30 to a maximum of 4.00 in the evening. Then I am free. Please suggest a daily routine for me. I will surely follow it. My parents have a lot of expectations from me that I will clear IIT JEE, if not at least AIEEE. I want to fulfill their dreams anyhow. Please reply as soon as possible.

Ans. There are many issues that you talk about that bother you and it seems that you have not made a correct analysis of your problem areas. If you are weak in Maths and Physics from Std 11 and are not sure of how to cope with the two very important subjects for pursuing engineering, you either do not have a good aptitude level in these subjects or you did not study enough for these two subjects for the last two years! You do go for tuitions so it means that you are coaching for these subjects and still do not feel confident. So it might be the aptitude which is a problem and not your personality and your time table. You seem to be a motivated girl who wants to crack the entrance exams but feel lazy and de-motivated which indicates again some problem with the subjects. You could lower your aim to the level of passing AIEEE so that you feel confident and less insecure about failure. Fear of failing when you set too high a goal for yourself will be a natural outcome for you. So, lowering the goal slightly will help in boosting your morale and increasing your confidence. However, I would advise you to come for career guidance and counseling at some point of time.


Q In January ‘08, a girl became my friend. Gradually we became best and close friends; chatted on phone messages but rarely talked in phone. We both know each other pretty well and also trust each other and understand each other. We both are 20 years old and I love that girl pretty much and I also told her about my feelings towards her, but she is not telling her feelings and saying to me that “In future anything can happen”. We are from different castes. So, what can I do now? How can I get to know that she loves me or not? Please help me.

Ans. I could think of a number of factors playing on her mind. She may not be prepared for an inter caste marriage as she knows her parents well. She may not want to rebel against her parents and upset them. Another factor could be that she wants to wait for  some years before she takes a decision for marriage. She may want to study further or gain some work experience. She may be career minded and may not be in a hurry to settle down. She may also want to see how your career shapes up before she begins to trust you completely! You should realize that there could be any number of reasons that may be going on in her mind and she is being wise by not jumping into any commitment when she is not sure of herself! I would advise you to do the same and make some sense of your life first and wait for her to state her mind clearly. However, as a note of caution, I would also advice you to be prepared for a negative answer as well from her any time. It would be difficult to predict her right now. Stay cool and focused on career making.

Published in The Hitavada – Emotions Column 26 December 2010

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