S.S (via email)
Q. I am a 22 years old girl. I am a student of B.Com (computer application) final year. I am in a committed relationship with a boy for past 1.5 years and we love each other. But now the problem is from last 9 months he is not behaving with me properly. He stops calling me and meeting me frequently like before. I tried to talk with him many times but he is giving me some silly and invalid reasons. Due to all this I have wasted one whole year of mine. I could not clear my exam in last year summer exam and again in my subject are back now in winter exam. I am in big tension. I feel very alone and feel like he dumped me. I am not able to concentrate on my studies. I can’t control my tears. I cry very much. I feel like committing suicide many times. I am trying to handle myself from many months but nothing is working for me. I don’t want to be in relation with him anymore. But I am not able to forget what he did with me. I am extremely hurt and I am not able to bear this pain. I want to get rid of all these tension. I am in fear that I might be getting into depression. Please help me.
Ans. Yes, it appears that you have been dumped and that too without an explanation. Some boys have no guts to face facts and no decency to break it off with dignity. Instead of crying and feeling depressed you should be angry with his behaviour and his cowardice. You could express your anger at him at least once and tell him what you think of him. You could also confide in a few good friends and vent out your frustrations. Never think of suicide over a bad relationship and a boy. Life is too precious for that and what about your family that loves you. You are an educated girl and should face life bravely. The gutless boy needs to hide his face in shame and not you. Be prepared to face many hardships and challenges in life. Being ditched by a silly fellow is no big deal. You will find a decent man in future who will be suited to you. Do not despair. Stay calm and stand bravely.
A.B (via email)
Q. I have a problem regarding my friend. She loves one guy who is good and having good family background and both love each other. Both are of same age i.e 19 years old. She is doing her degree in BCA and he is doing D.Ed but both of them are different caste. Now the problem is that boy’s parents are ready to get him married but the girl’s parents are not ready. They want a guy of their caste only. The girl’s mother is too much sensitive, dominating & complicated. She threatens her daughter that if she marries another caste guy then she will die and her father also says the same things. If they marry her to another boy three lives will be ruined. She is my best friend I cannot leave her in this situation. Please reply me soon so that I can assist them in their life.
Ans. Both your friends are very young and should not think of marriage now. They should study and build their careers. Once they are older and independent economically nobody can stop them from getting married. They should wait for a few years before taking a decision. By then you would also know whether they still love each other or have fallen apart. Time tests a relationship and let them prove it to themselves. They should tell their parents that they are not willing to get married at all at this age so all proposals may be ignored.
P.T (via email)
Q. I am a 21 years old guy. I failed in B.Sc final year in all subjects last year. Even my 2nd year`s two subjects are back out of three. Few days ago I gave an interview for a call centre job and I was selected. The company is an internationally recognised one in Ahmedabad which offered me a salary of Rs.7000+incentive. But my parents refused to send me there as they were not sure of the company nor of me. I told them that at least I would get a working experience of one year but they didn`t agree. My parents want me to complete my graduation. But now I feel that I lost a good opportunity of job and I wouldn’t get this type of opportunity in future. Much of the time I think of Ahmedabad and get depressed. Also I am not sure of my graduation. I
find it hard to clear my 2nd year itself. I don`t understand what should I do now. I feel myself being caught in a catch22 situation. Please help.
Ans. I think it was a good idea for you to work and earn some money as well as experience as you do not seem to like academics. You must at the same time analyse why you are failing in your exams. There has to be a reason. Some people do not like studies but are good in practical work. You may be one of them. You could still apply for other jobs and you will get one soon. But while you work please do complete your graduation. A qualification is important as it adds to your knowledge and status as well. And I am sure you can do that. Your parents have a point that studies must be completed before you start working but it also depends on the type of personality you are.
Published in The hitavada on 07 Feb 2010