“Live happily and purposefully”- 22 January 2017.


Q. I am 53 plus, officer in psb posted away from home. I want to quit job since last many years. But I am not having courage to do so. Though I would not be in financial trouble after quitting I fear loss of respect in society. I am just continuing despite stress, tension and depression due to my inability to discharge my duties properly at work. Please guide me.
Ans. Please go ahead and resign if you are convinced of your financial stability and your loss of interest in your work. You have crossed 50 years of age and have worked many years to deserve retirement. There would not be any ‘loss of respect in society’ as you say, but people may be jealous of you for being able to do so. People who are stuck in boring jobs continue to do so for financial reasons or to keep themselves busy. After retirement be sure you have your post-retirement plans ready to keep you gainfully and happily engaged such as hobbies and other passions which you could not pursue while in job. The idea of living is to be happy and purposeful.


Q. I am in a branch of engineering which I do not like. I am in second year now and want to shift to another branch. I am in deep stress as nobody seems to understand my dilemma. My parents are shocked and my friends cannot help me. Either I change my branch or I discontinue engineering and get into another course of study. I want to get into communications and HR type of work and I don’t know what to do. Please guide.

Ans. It would be of no use to do two years in engineering and then leave it. I suggest that you complete your engineering degree now. After that if you are still interested in doing HR then you can do your MBA in HR. This way you don’t even waste two years, your parents are also happy and you get to do what you like. Changing to another branch in engineering is not going to be helpful to you as it is not your field of interest.

Q. My girl friend is very cute but is very moody. She is happy one day and another day is angry with me. I love her a lot and it has been a long friendship. She is now troubling me a lot with her anger and irritation. I am trying to make a career as I have to start working and earning money. My father will retire soon and I must start seeking a job. I am trying to complete a course after graduation but this thing is bothering me. Our fights have increase and I feel she is behaving like a child. Please help me madam.

Ans.  Your dilemma and irritation is understandable. While you are working hard to make a good career in view of your family situation, it is unfortunate that your girlfriend of long standing fails to understand and share your financial concerns. We must try to know if your girlfriend has a long standing personality problem or she is suffering from a temporary state of mood swings. This is an important aspect to evaluate for that would decide the future of this relationship. If she has a temporary mood swing disorder she can be helped with counselling and psychotherapy but if she has a long standing personality disorder it would be advisable to keep away from her. For such people can be extremely self centred and unsupportive to the needs of others. That may not be good for your future life. Think about it seriously.

Q. My life is wasted and I feel like committing suicide. I have lost every reason to live. I came to know that my husband had gone out on a tour and he had an affair there. I was noticing some peculiar change in his behaviour since his tour. But I could not understand what it is until someone informed me about his affair.


Ans.  This is most unfortunate and we can empathize with your emotional trauma. A marriage relationship is based on faith and trust besides love and can be destroyed with runaway affairs like this. You must confront your husband and ask him point blank about it. Do not go into the details of the affair. If he acknowledges his mistake and promises not to repeat it, then you must forgive him and give him another chance. However, if he does not acknowledge his fault and evades the issue then you have a bigger dilemma on hand as to how to continue this relationship which is devoid of honesty and you can tell him that you are willing to forgive a single mistake but dishonesty and lies would be difficult to digest. A family cannot be run if the basic trust between the spouses is lost. Do come for counselling if you cannot manage your trauma by next week.

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