“Live in the present and look forward to the future”- 9 November 2014.

Q. I lost my father when I was 9 year old. He was a teacher then my mother raised me. Till I was doing my high school everything seemed to be just going ok. but after it i went away from my mother for my graduation. i started living in a hostel and things started changing in my life. after meeting various friends their i realized that i was somewhat different from others. the process of realization was to slow and my small mind was not able to find out what was wrong with me. with the course of time i realized that i was not able to make relations with others, to handle my emotions, i barely had any opinion about anything so i couldn’t take part in any conversation with my friends nor i was able to make any jokes and laugh with them. i was very upset and thought that i was of no use and got caught in to severe depression. this lasted for about 2 yrs. all the time i couldn’t sleep and spent many nights crying. with the course of time i discovered the reason for my problem. my mother emotionally and physically abused me as a child. i was often bated badly with BELAN, stick or anything my mother would find. i was always pressurised to accept my mothers opinion. she never allowed me to expresses my feelings she forced me to do everthing as she directed i was never allowed to play with friends. we barely talk in our house even if today. no discussions no arguments no light jokes and no laughing. today i have completed my graduation and i am preparing for bank exams. i am good in studies and expect to crack one of the exams. but what i am frightened of is after i have got the job i will not be able to do it. because anywhere we go to work one should have nice relations with his workmates. i cannot establish relations with others at all. how can you work where you have no respect. but economic condition of my family is not good and i need to work. also i need to live as well. i am in very pain. i cant handle this situation long. i cant live like this with no emotions and in absence of any social domain. i am very depressed please help me. if you can suggest me what to do i will try to do it.

Ans. Yes child abuse and neglect can mar the personality. But as you grow up you need to take things in your own control. The process of struggle and finally maturation lies in your hands now and not in the hands of your mother. So firstly, try to heal your past by meditation and positive thinking. Also try forgiving your mother for her behaviour. Secondly, look forward to the present and build up your personality and the various skills needed for independence and progress. Thirdly enjoy the present by being happy, making simple friends and working hard. You do not have to get emotionally connected to people in a big way but have a smiling face, be friendly and be helpful to them in any way if you can. Learn to do simple talks and conversations with your peers and seniors. Learn to communicate and appreciate others and compliment them. But before you do all this relax your mind and be positive. We could teach you all this if you come for regular sessions.


Q. I have opted for general science and I’m in std XI. I’m preparing for engineering entrance exams and I am not able to concentrate on my studies. Some thoughts go on in my mind and they disturb me. What should I do to increase my confidence and do better. My parents have high expectations from me. I am not very good in maths.

Ans. You should come for career counselling as you need to have some more options for future. If you are not very good in maths engineering will be a tough choice for you have to work very hard for entrance and also once you enter college. An aptitude test will help us know your abilities. It is also important to know your personality traits and your interest areas to decide your career options and make the best choices or have at least have two or three choices lined up.


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