“Make him responsible”- 21 August 2016.
Q. I am a 18 year old daughter of my parents. I have gone through your ‘Shades of grey’ column published on 10th July. My father loves me very much but after 12th result his behaviour has changed towards me because of poor scores and high expectations. I feel very upset and helpless when he doesn’t behave in a good way and does not talk to me nicely. I always dream of becoming lecturer in physics and preparing for it. But my father is unhappy with my decision as he wants me to become a doctor. Please help me.
Ans. You should have asked your father to read my column as it deals with the conflict between the child and the parent’s expectations of the career choice of their child. Becoming a lecturer in physics is a great idea and more importantly it’s been your dream you say. That is a great line to pursue and the salary of a lecturer is good nowadays. I wonder why he is forcing you to pursue medicine. Medicine is a difficult and costly course of study. The seats in the government colleges are few and the private college fees are high especially the post graduate courses are out of reach of middle class segment. I think you should continue with your pursuit of physics and give up medicine. Please do not sit at home for a year and reappear for medical entrance. If he does not get convinced request him for a session on career guidance and bring him along. Be brave and follow your dreams.
Q. My brother is in Std 11th and is not concentrating on his studies. He does not like to attend college and goes out with his friends and roams here and there. His attendance is low in class and I came to know about this from one of his classmates. We lost our father some years ago and I and my mother manage the house. He has been a loved child and father used to love him a lot. We all love him but now we are worried about his future. What if he gets into wrong habits and bad company? What should we do? He has to take care of mother when he grows up and I cannot be there always. Please advice.
It is possible that the sudden loss of his father has affected him and he might be in a loss of direction for that. He may have into bad habits and wrong company and losing interest in studies. Boys may drown their emotional sorrows in destructive behaviours. This is a known fact. Some sessions of counselling will help understand the problem and solve it. Your mother and you need to get strict with him but stopping his pocket money and asking for results. Tell him to start working if he is not interested in studies. If your love has spoiled him now it is time to get strict, lay some ground rules and ask for results. Stop pampering him and make him responsible. Love should be up to the point that is necessary, then, you will have to make him understand how important his role is in the family, especially after the loss that the family has suffered. He needs to see the aversive outcomes of getting into bad habits that people get into.
Q. I do not understand what my boyfriend wants from me. He was good in the beginning for few months and after that he has started behaving badly with me. He shouts at me and keeps nagging me many times. I cannot tolerate it any more. What should I do? Will he think I am a very selfish person and how should I know what he wants and how I should behave? I am totally confused and don’t know what to do. I sometimes think I should not take his calls and then he begins to shout at me and I again say sorry. Please guide me. I am feeling depressed and sad. I many times think of suicide but I know it is a bad thing to do. My family will suffer.
Ans. Make an attempt to understand what his problem is in a cool, calm way and why is he shouting on you. If things work out like that, then the problem is solved and if not, then do not think twice just move on because there are better people out there. Also remember, suicide is a cowardly and foolish act! Especially when it is done for someone who is just a boyfriend. I am happy to know you are making efforts to understand the situation otherwise call it quits. Some things need to be ended if it continues to disturb you. It is not worth the trouble. You have better things to do and being happy is important. If the relationship becomes a pain terminate it.