“Making friends is a skill”- 31 March 2019
Q. I am an introvert in nature but I don’t feel good about it. I always end up feeling lonely I also want to make new friends but my introvert nature stops me and I always over think things. I am unable to control my mind. I have some family issues and whenever I give some advice to my mother she says I am not practical which irritates me a lot. Please help me. I can’t come for counselling.
Ans. If you don’t like your introversion you will have to work hard to change it. Some people like being what they are and do not feel the need to change their selves in any way. But if you are not happy then you can do it but with an effort which will be according to your levels of introversion. First identify the skills you would like to learn- such as making friends is one thing you mention. You need to identify more such skills which will make you happy. Second is the problem of ‘over thinking’. This may happen if you are deficient in making decisions and acting on them. Sometimes introverts keep thinking of the situation/problem but fail to act on it. The action part is very important for in that way you translate your thoughts into behaviour. When you fail to act on the thought, it keeps going around in your head. Thirdly, your mother calls you ‘impractical’ and that could be because you may be idealistic in thinking and not balanced. To be practical you must know what is acceptable to your mother that is doable and what is not acceptable to her. You can build your skills by seeking training from us or reading self help books on the subject. Try it first or else come for training with the permission of your parents.
Q. My son is behaving in a way which worries me. His teacher complained that he is irritating other children in class and makes fun of them. I asked him but he only says other children tease him and therefore he acts like this. I do see a change in him. I live near Raipur and cannot come to Nagpur easily. If you say I will. Please help me with some tips.
Ans. yes, one trip to Nagpur will help me study the situation properly. You do not mention the age of your child? I guess he is in middle school and such behaviour can start due to onset of puberty. Hormonal changes bring changes in the mind and behaviour as well. You could try changing your behaviour with him and trying different management strategies. Make friends with him, win his trust, and ask him to tell the truth and that you will not scold him. If he opens communication with you it will have long term benefits in building a healthy relationship between you two and helping him develop trust worthy bonds which builds character. Bad habits lead to bad character traits and must be checked during teens.
Q. These days my anxiety is rising like never before. My boy friend told me that I should see a counsellor and that has worried me further. I get many thoughts in my mind whole day and do not feel happy or excited about life. I easily cry and get into arguments with my boy friend especially. I don’t know what is happening to me really. My studies are also getting affected with my moods. My boy friend is very understanding and helps me with my thinking but now it worries me further.
Ans. It is good that you have an understanding friend. If he feels there is something significant which needs addressing I am sure he has a reason. He knows you well and wishes you well too. Explore your mind for recent events that have impacted you negatively and reason it out. You might be getting negative thoughts and if they go on whole day, you will surely feel anxious. If there is nothing in the recent past there could be something in the remote past which is coming up as a bad memory. Either way something is bothering you which needs talking out. Another possibility is a family history of anxiety and depression which may begin to show up like an illness. This can happen without any recent event but comes up from within your physical body. Please consult as soon as possible a psychologist first.