“Negotiate and compromise”- 3 December 2017.
Q. I am 28 years old girl. I got married 6 months before. It was arranged marriage and was done in a simple way. My husband is 30 years old. I am 5.3 inches and same is my husband. He was okay by both of us being of same height but now it is bothering him. He said me not to wear heels anymore so I have stopped wearing them for his happiness because I love him a lot now though it was arranged marriage but still he is not happy. He does not take me out for parties with him or even for movies. Before he just took me out for couple of times and that’s it. I cannot understand his behaviour. He is caring in general but still he taunts me for my looks. He says having equal height makes him conscious. I don’t know how to tell him that I am fine with his looks and the most thing which matters to me is his happiness. Should I bring him for counselling so that he can be happy in his own skin?
Ans. This can happen when people develop inferior feelings about themselves and their body image. He has developed a negative image of his short height and he seems to have become uncomfortable in your company. You may be better looking in your facial features and body structure and although you have accepted him now he still seems to be holding on to some impressions which might have been given by outsiders. Some people might have commented and drawn comparisons between the two of you and that seems to have sunk deep into his mind. Try and reflect if you have at any time made a light hearted comment about it that has hurt him. Counselling will certainly help in unearthing his wounds and hurts and bring him to reconcile with the reality. It is in his mind and it is a personal thing but this will ultimately affect your relationship and your marital happiness in the long run. Please come for a joint session as soon as possible. All will be well.
Q. I am 18 years old guy. I just passed by 12th examination. I scored 60 percent in my exams. I always wanted to open up my hair salon. Everyone at home and even in the school appreciates my hair and even tell me I have good looks. I spoke to my parents and told them to help me open up my salon by providing me funds for it. I have confidence that if I open up my salon it is going to work amazing as I will charge them less. I got into a fight also with parents because of this issue. I don’t want to study anymore and the obsession of opening up my salon is messing with my brain. I think if this goes on for long time I will have severe depression because of failure. I don’t even go out or meet any of my friends. I don’t know what to do with my life. Please guide me.
Ans. You seem to be a budding serious entrepreneur and I love that idea! Entrepreneurship is a great career option! You could make a happy compromise by negotiating with your parents. Tell them if they allow you to open a salon, you would enrol in a college as a private student and seek a graduation degree. If they do not allow you then you would drop out of education totally. This might work it seems. Although I believe that education is always useful and never goes waste for it equips the mind with knowledge and skills. Of course a lot many entrepreneurs do not need education if they become successful but education is always a virtue and never harmful. You could choose the degree of your choice or could opt for a vocational programme in your field of running a salon. Find out the options of training yourself with a good salon or a guru with a good name in this field and enrol with him. Lot many salons are offering training and certificates. The best way to handle parents is to keep the communication going and negotiating with them. A good compromise can be worked out. All the best to you.