Q. I am 23 year old, unhappy-go-unlucky guy, facing ups and downs in my life. I met with a bike accident during my final semester exam of B.E last year and fractured my left leg and undergone surgery for the same. I failed to appear for my few papers at that year but I somehow managed to clear my exam this year and completed my graduation. My leg is all fine now but I am still having nightmares of that gruesome moments. That incident had really etched on my mind, I am trying to forget it but its’ not possible for me, every second of my life reminds me about that incident. Because of that I wasted a whole year and really had tough time throughout the year. Since I cleared my exams (but with less marks) my parents are really not satisfied with me. They keep on taunting me all the time and they praise their relatives’ children. They keep on giving examples of them. They always compare them with me and find out good or bad qualities. I am completely sick and tired of their comparisons. Sometimes they talk very rudely which makes me emotionally disturbed. I felt like crying at that moment. Sometimes I felt like committing suicide. Because of all this I lost my sleep at night. I remain awake till midnight. I didn’t get good sound sleep from the day I met with that accident. It had left me completely heart-broken. I think I shattered my all dreams. Please help me to get out this situation.
Ans. This is sad and unfortunate. An accident is a serious trauma and can haunt most people for many months. It is called post traumatic stress. It is sad that your parents do not understand this psychological reality and instead ill treat you. It is natural that you lost your marks in the finals but is actually creditable that you passed and cleared the exams. Do not despair for all will be well if you keep your cool and your balance of mind. Forgive your parents for whatever they have done to hurt you. Keep your mind positive and keep focused on your career. Do a post graduation or get into a job immediately. Treat your depression and if you cannot help yourself then come and consult me. There are ways of getting rid of the traumatic nightmares and the depression. We would take care of it.
Be brave and bold.
Radhika (via email)
Q. I am going through difficult phase of my career. I completed my graduation in B. Com in 2008, and at the same year I joined classes for MBA preparations. But I scored less marks so I did not get admission in my college without donation. My financial condition was not that much of good for donation. So I opted for another career option i.e. Company Secretary (CS) and M.COM. So I appeared for M.Com 1st yr and cleared it. Now in 2nd year since last year I had given two attempts of C.S but I could not pass the exam. I am tired of my failure. My parents are hurt with my results. My dad always supported me but this time he is not talking to me. My mom never tried to understand me. She always gives me others examples in whatever I do whether it is good or bad. My next exam is in June. I have 3 months for studies but I am now feeling bored studying same thing again and I couldn’t concentrate on my studies. My dad told me this is my last attempt afterward he will search for a groom for me because his retirement is near. I do not want to waste my life so early and I also feel I had given no chance to myself. I feel shame going out with my family, my sisters. Now these days I sit alone in my room, hardly mix with anyone, try to study. Don’t go out, don’t use mobile, don’t watch TV. I cry for long time in my room alone. Please guide me how can I turn my failure with success. How to concentrate on my studies?
Ans. One way is to complete one goal at a time. First complete your M.Com 2nd year so that you have post graduate degree and then try for C.S. Once you taste success your mood will go up and so will your confidence in yourself. You will also not have to repeat the same subjects of C.S. Think about it and plan ahead. Do not get negative in mind and thoughts. Many people give several attempts before passing but the idea is not to lose hope. If your life depends upon the degree do it with all your will and determination. Best of luck.
Published in Hitavada Insight 07 March 2010