Postpone serious decisions – 19 Dec 2010

A. M
Q. I am in a relationship since last 7 years. My problem is that the girl I am in love with don’t want talk about marriage. She is however asking me to get married as soon as possible. I am 28 years now. Now my parents are telling me that ask her to inform her parents about our relation & at least we can get engaged before she leaves for a foreign land in February next year. I can’t afford to lose both side either. I am ready to talk her parents but she is preventing me to do that. What to do now?

Ans. It seems you are not getting the message she is trying to give you- she does not want to get married to you. It is her polite way to tell you to get married to someone else and not wait for her as she has very different plans from yours. She is going out of the country with some purpose, I presume she would be pursuing some course of study, and she is not sure of her life thereafter. Either she is clear about her plans but does not want to share it with you or she feels that you would not fit into her scheme of things. She certainly likes you but not enough to be possessive and to marry you. If she did want to marry you, she would not let you go at any cost. So, wake up to the reality and look for another suitable partner as you are already old enough to settle down into matrimony. Best of luck!


Q. This year in August, a guy became my friend. Gradually we became best friends, chatting and talking through phone every day. This guy had a breakup two or three months ago and I had helped him come out of his depression. He is a very emotional guy and a nice hearted guy. Now recently, he proposed me for a lifetime commitment and I feel that somewhere I also have feelings for him. So should I say yes to his proposal? If I say yes would there be any problems further from family front when they get to know about this? And if it happens, how to tackle this matter- to convince our families as we are of different castes. Now we both are in 12th std. Please help me out madam. Please reply as soon as possible.

Ans. Since both of you are still adolescents why should you want to make life long commitments? You could agree to his friendship but not to marriage. If you do that then you start worrying about other aspects, just as you have mentioned, about caste differences and about families disapproving of the alliance etc. This worry would be detrimental to your studies and career building. Also most times we cannot predict what turns and twists life takes so there is no point in making long term commitments. Enjoy a healthy friendship and go along as life comes. If the friendship lasts the test of time, over the years to come, it would be good for both of you. At this age you cannot make such type of decisions. Hence postpone such decisions.


Q. My father has lately developed some bad habits and it is affecting my studies. I have my board exams coming and he always shouts and scolds everyone at home. My mother keeps crying many times and I have a small sister who is also afraid of him. He was not like this before- only recently he has started all this. Please help me and advice me.

Ans. Your father would need help and counseling would be the best option for finding a solution. Of course he may not agree for therapy but you could take the support of a family friend or a relative he respects and listens to. Discuss the issue with this specific person and ask him to take your father for counseling. Since it is a new habit that he has developed
recently he is likely to get rid of it fast. He may have a psychological problem which leads him to destructive behavior and habits. Request your mother to be calm and quiet. Things will be fine if you handle them well.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions – 19 Dec 2010

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