“Save your marriage through counselling”- 13 January 2013
Q. I want to know whether anybody can do a course “Hypnotherapy” or one needs to be in the medical/clinical field for pursuing this course. I want to explore this field purely to know it and may for improving myself. Is it possible to do it in distance learning – nowadays there are many International and Indian institutions are offering some kind of a course in this. Does this kind of courses do good to our personal and professional courses? Can you guide me in this?
Ans. Since you have not mentioned your professional background I cannot say whether it will help you in your life or not. But you could do the course if you are curious and interested in it. Short term courses could be there. Hypnosis is based on the principle of ‘suggestion’ and does not offer a ‘cure’ as such. It can give insights into the psychology of the individual and then you would have to use the psychotherapy methods for cure. Therefore knowledge of psychology is must. Incomplete knowledge does not make anyone an expert. However, you could write to the institutions and ask them about the courses and its benefits –they will guide you.
Q. My marriage is in trouble since long. Now we are thinking of separating. Does counselling help and can we change the nature of people? My wife has a problem with her nature. She is suspicious and nags at any moment she wants. She also suspects me of having affairs which is wrong. Please guide me.
Ans. Marriage counselling is useful in identifying the psychological factors of the two spouses and also helps in identifying the areas of conflict between the two. There are social and family matters as well that affect a marriage in terms of their expectations and frustrations. There are many aspects that can disturb a marriage. Of course the prime factor that disturbs the relationship is the two spouses involved. Their nature and levels of maturity are the determining factors for a happy stable life. Your wife may be suffering from suspiciousness and poor control over her emotions. We can help her overcome her weaknesses and also help both of you build a happy understanding of each other. Before separating it would be advisable to give counselling a good try. Thinks might not be so bad after all.
Q. My friend is very good but asks me for favours which I don’t want to give. He is pestering me and messaging me all the time and I am getting angry with him. He is troubling me many times and I am very upset. He was not like this. He was a nice guy and a good person. Now I think he has bad friends and stays with wrong people all the time. He is not studying well too and his marks are going down. He was a good boy and now I am getting nervous. Should I break up with him or what should I do? I cannot ask my family as they don’t know and I cannot ask my friends as they say he is not good boy for me. I am better. They don’t speak well of him. I don’t want to lose him as he was a very nice boy. Please guide me properly.
Ans. You have a point in saying that his nature is becoming bad from the time he made new friends. His new company must be a bad lot that teaches him different values and behaviour. His decline in studies as well as his behaviour is an indicator that he is regressing and not progressing. About his demands please stay away from all such evils- be assertive and continue to say no to him about such matters. You have done a good thing by making an assessment of his declining standards in studies and behaviour and plan to rethink your friendship. One thing you could try is to save him from getting trapped in bad company for ever and try guiding him by encouraging him to do better. You could make your friendship conditional to his improving his behaviour and getting back to his original self. Tell him that you liked his earlier self and now don’t like his decline. Tell him that you will give him a few weeks for reform and if he continues his bad ways you will be forced to withdraw from his friendship. You could save a life from disaster- but do not keep forgiving him endlessly. Set a time deadline for it. Break free otherwise.