“Relationships are like a dance”- 27 March 2016.
Q. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 10 months. However, my girlfriend has left me and gone back with her ex-boyfriend. He would always spend time with her and take her money. She called me into her life and has now left me. I feel she has betrayed me. I am very frustrated and am unable to do focus on anything including my studies.
Ans. This is nonsense. She should not use you like this. She calls you whenever she feels like and then ditches you. She is obviously playing with your emotions and taking you for granted. This also happens when you love her and allow her to use you and exploit you. They say once bitten twice shy. Once you have betrayed not once but twice you should keep in mind her nature and say no to her requests. You could also pick up the phone and give her a piece of your mind by expressing your anger. That will make you feel better and then forget her. She is not worth the trouble.
Q. Hello ma’am, this is the third or fourth time I am consulting you. Thank you for your previous suggestions. One of my good friends has become has become a drunkard. I along with our couple of friends are asking him to leave that habit since last year. Last month, he drank almost daily so we decided to convince him one last time. Being an emotional person, I lost my control and in anger cried saying I can’t watch him ruining his life. We all thought the worst case will be he will continue with his habit. But instead along with that he told my crying incidence to his table friends. And now for weeks they are making fun of me. I have cut out all contacts with him because being friends hurts too much as he had made fun of my tears. It’s been a month now that we are not talking. We are neighbours so sometimes I feel am I doing too much? Was I wrong? Have I lost my friend? Is it my self-respect or attitude?
Ans. We have to make a decision based on many factors. You were hurt so you stopped talking to him. But it is obvious that you are missing him and wanting to go back. There are no hard and fast rules in friendships and at most times it is like a dance. You shift back and forth in a dance and in a relationship, sometimes take a step back when hurt and sometimes take a step forward when you miss him. You can follow your instincts as they come. The only thing to remember is that it cannot be one-sided but has to be mutual. In the sense that he must respect you as much as you do and he must miss you as much as he does. It is always nice to patch up and go along together. After all you are growing up together and that is a lovely experience. If it turns bitter and nasty cut it off totally. Otherwise forgive and forget.
Q. Hello madam, I am being forced into marriage. I am studying in final year graduation and am telling parents not to marry me off. I want to work for some time before marriage. They have been putting pressure on me for 3 years to get married. But I cannot escape this anymore. I don’t know the boy and don’t want to get married. I am desperately looking for a way out. I think I will run away from home.
Ans. If that is the only option then please do so! What will happen to your studies and your financial support? If you can look for a part time job and then support yourself and your studies then that could be considered a good option. You should not fall into wrong elements and get exploited. The best option seems to tell the boy whenever he comes to meet you that you are not interested in getting married and that he should say no. You could do this to all the boys who come to see you. In this process you might come across a decent guy whom you may like and may feel like marrying. Who knows what is in store for you and your destiny. You might meet a good guy who will understand you and allow you to finish your studies and allow you to work and grow in career. So do not despair, life is very vast and full of possibilities. Keep your mind and options open. All the best to you.