“Resolve your moral dilemma”- 16 April 2017

A.P

Q.  I am a student of 12 Std. My exams have not gone well. I am not satisfied with the exams and I am scared if I will pass with good marks or not. Should I reappear for my exams or what should I do? My parents have high expectations from me but I cannot sleep nowadays due to tension of results. Please advise what to do?

Ans. This is a serious situation. It is natural that you are worried about your results as you have not performed according to your abilities. Many students repeat the year in such conditions but it is very necessary to think through the goals and aims before you take such a serious decision. What are you planning to do after 12 will decide if you need to repeat the year as well as the entrance exams. Have you appeared for some entrance tests as well? A session of career planning will help you take the right decision.

P.L

Q. I study in second year of commerce. I have fallen in love with the sister of my best friend. My friend does not know anything about this. He has told me many times to take care of his sister as she is also like my own sister. I am cheating my friend I think and I feel very guilty about this thing. Should I tell him honestly about the friendship or should I keep quiet. The girl is afraid of her brother because he might tell his parents about it. She loves me too and does not want to tell anyone about it.

Ans. This is a moral dilemma and you could have avoided the situation by being wise and maintain restrain. Now that you have fallen into this trap, either you should get out of the friendship with the girl or you will be damaging your friendship with the boy forever. If he has repeatedly told you to treat his sister as your own, you should have cautioned yourself from any emotional entanglement. It might be advisable to get out of it and come clean. Your friend need not be aware about it anyway. That perhaps will be the easiest and the best option for all of you otherwise all three of you will be hurt forever and you will not get any favourable results in the long run.

M.N

Q. I am married four years ago. This was an arranged marriage and I did not like the girl too much. I was married under some pressure from family. I like my colleague who works with me in my office and I am in relation with her before marriage, maybe a year more. Recently my wife saw her messages in my mobile and asked me many questions. I am afraid of losing my respect and image at home and family as I am known as a good boy. I am feeling guilty after I am caught by my wife. How should I convince my wife that she is only my friend and not my wife and that I will stop it. My friend is not willing to get married as she loves me. I am caught in this tension between the two. What should I do? I am very stressed and losing sleep these days.

Ans. You should stop the friendship with your colleague and be faithful to your wife. If you are a good boy and have a clean image in the family, it is important that you maintain it by correcting yourself. You can do it and save your dignity. Your wife will forgive you and it is of no fault of hers that she should suffer. Whether your friend gets married or not is her problem and once she loses all hope from you she will opt for someone else with time. Only till you hang on to her she will live on hope that you will marry her one day. If you hold on to her for selfish reasons and do not allow her to settle, it would be unethical or immoral. Leave her and tell her the truth and she will respect you for it.

M.L

Q. I am in first year of college. My parents are very strict about everything. Even though I do nothing wrong but they keep asking me all types of questions about my whereabouts and activities. I feel like I am in jail at home. They check my mobile, my computer and my cupboard too for what I don’t know. How should I behave so that they trust me? What should I tell them so that they listen to the truth?

Ans. Your parents are not only curious and inquisitive but also controlling. They do not give you enough freedom and privacy of thought and behaviour. Why should they check your mobile and your cupboard when you are very clean in your behaviour and have never given them any cause for complain? It is difficult to change parent’s behaviour if they have such attitudes of mistrust and need to control. You are a college student and responsible enough for yourself. One day you might have to tell them that you would like to live in a hostel as the home is becoming uncomfortable for your liking. Or bring them for a session of counselling. We could discuss out their fears and anxieties.