“Stress of pathological relationships”- 1 December 2013


Q. I am studying in 11th std. I am a student of PCM and living in a small town we usually go to separate tuitions (we go to different places for every subjects) and not at a single institute. Actually problem is I have joined every tuition by taking opinions from my seniors at that time some told me about a particular sir. But now I am feeling now that it was a wrong decision since he is not teaching properly and giving too many holidays and he also has habit to drop topics in latter part. I am thinking to join to another sir but this sir teaches at an institution where my present sir teaches for competitive exam. Now I am afraid that if I leave his tuitions and join here I’ll have to face him. Please help.

Ans. You could take the help of your parents in this and change your tuition sir. If he is taking many holidays and not teaching well too then you would have to suffer. Inform your parents and change the teacher.  If he promises to improve give him another week or so and even if he does not show much seriousness, then change him. Facing him would be better than suffering and losing out on results.


Q. I am a 21 years old boy doing my final year engineering from a reputed college. I am in a lot of stress from a year regarding my relationship. Because of which I am suffering from strange attacks.

When I am stressed- breathing trouble, chocking sensation like someone is strangulating me. Face becomes red and hot and it is followed by nose bleeding and loss of consciousness some times.

Attack is just like epilepsy but after all the tests done (EEG, CT, MRI) neurologist told this is not related to epilepsy and no neurological abnormality is present. Then I was referred to Psychologist for further management. I was in a relationship with a girl from second year. Initially all was good, But then we started to fight a lot. During quarrels she used to use very bad words which I never ever used for her. From one year we both are in stress. I want her as friend but she says if I don’t behave as I used to and if I don’t be with her she will kill herself. I can’t let her end her life this way. I am very afraid of her words and because of which I am having these attacks. Moreover my family also is against inter-caste marriages. If she does anything like suicide I won’t b able to live. I want to live happily. I was a nine pointer and because of this my pointer are going down. My life has become worst than hell.

Ans. Having relations with a person with psychopathology is very stressful. Their behaviour and demands are extraordinary and abnormal and hence disturb the other. One should maintain relations with mentally healthy people. You agree that your medical problems and symptoms are a consequence of your friend’s behaviour. She needs to be treated by a psychologist. Take her for sessions with you. She shows signs of personality disorder. Distance yourself from her and ignore her threats. Most times such threats are empty and are done to seek attention and fulfil their own needs and demands. But that would have to be verified first by a psychologist.


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