Failures are not final 14 July 2019


“Failures are not final”


Q. Madam, do you do pre-marital counselling? I am engaged to a boy and I like him. His family is good, he is also good boy but something worries me. I am getting more scared as the days are nearing. About him I have some points to clear. Can you help me if I come to you? Do I have to bring him along? Please guide me- my parents don’t know and also don’t want to listen to me.

Ans. Yes, pre-marriage counselling follows a certain system and has been growing in demand and importance. With the rate of divorces growing or multiplying a few sessions before the final sealing of engagement clears off many doubts and also helps know each other better for preparedness for future. Realistically speaking, two people are never going to be the same and differences are bound to be there. Knowing what are the differences and being prepared for the same helps in the process of acceptance and subsequent adjustment. If the differences are too vast for bridging (such as differences in value systems, culture, morality, life-style or even existence of an unnoticed mental disorder), it is better to re-think one’s decision. Otherwise counselling can help in identification of differences as well in the process of acceptance.


Q. I have failed in my entrance exam and have lost my marks. My 12 Std boards are also just okay and not as good as expected it to be. I am feeling depressed, don’t get sleep at night and keep watching TV and movies. This is making my condition worse and worse. What should I do now? Is there any hope for me now?

Ans. Of course there is always hope in this world. Never give up or think in absolutes, they don’t exist. Life is always in shades and never in black and white. It is normal to feel dejected and depressed for some time but for how long is the question. You need to stop mourning about your failure and need to get up and take action. The big questions are two- one is to evaluate the reasons for your failure and two, is to know what career line to pursue for future. if the failure in the entrance is due to a wrong choice of your aptitude and interests then you need to change your choices and look for the best option. We can help with an aptitude evaluation and suggest the best course. Whatever it may be, you are a young boy and should be looking forward to a big and bright future where there is no scope for despondency. Failures will happen as passing phases and just take them in your stride. Failures are never final, only a lesson to learn. Cheer up and be brave and bold.


Q. My son was diagnosed with learning problems two years ago. He is in Std 4 now and was coping well and trying his best. We changed his school this year to save his travelling time. It was very far and spent few hours in going and coming. But it seems he is not happy with his new school and misses his old teachers who he was used to. They understood him well. Have we made a mistake and what to do now?

Ans. I hope you had discussed with your son about the change of school and what would be the pros and cons? Many times by doing that it prepares the child for eventual changes he is going to face. In spite of that too the child may feel disturbed for he had not visualised about the minute details and the fact of how he would feel about it. Now the situation is a little tricky. The best would be to help him adjust in the current school with the class teacher and other subject teachers. You might have to make several trips to the school to meet the teachers for his learning disabilities. If he starts feeling comfortable with the teacher for his LD, his comfort levels will grow. Meanwhile assure him to try for six months and if he does not like it even after that, you will try for his earlier school, that is if they will take him back. Or then best by next year. I am sure he will sooner or later adapt himself. Request the teacher to help him gain some friends in the meanwhile. That surely helps.


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