17 January 2016.
Q. I am a BE graduate 23 years. I am in a relationship since last five years and everything was working quite well. But now my boyfriend has some family issues so he says that he can’t marry me just because his parents won’t allow an inter-caste marriage. He is sure about it because his elder brother is facing the same situation. Now he wants me to move on and he started behaving like a friend with me. We also had physical relations. It’s being very difficult for me to get over it. I can’t move on. But he is quite strong and has moved on and stopped loving me. What should I do? Besides I am also preparing for my competitive exams and I am unable to concentrate.
Ans. This is very unfortunate for you but this has also become common. Girls and boys get committed to each other in teens and then when they realise the reality of the situation they run away. That is what your boyfriend has done. He ran away after five years of commitment. If he has moved on without much difficulty then he is not ‘strong’ as you mention but it seems that he had prepared himself to move on considering his family attitudes. But he did not familiarise you with his condition. Now he wants to be friends with you which is dubious. He may be using you for himself. For you it will be best to cut off totally and leave him alone to his destiny. If he can’t take responsibility after years of a full relationship he is fooling you. Focus on your career and show him that you can compete and stand up for yourself. A session of counselling will certainly help you overcome your grief faster. I wish you all the best.
Q. I am in 12th science and I need your help. Actually I want to make my career in photography. But my dad is not allowing me for that, so how I convey him. And can you please suggest me some photography colleges and courses after 12th.
Ans. There are courses in photography in colleges that have courses in design such as National Institute for Design, Ahmadabad; Chennai; Pune etc. You can enrol in a degree course of your choice and take short term courses /classes in photography. You can make a good career in photography though in the long run.
Q. There’s a girl in my class whom I admire due to her influencing personality as a topper but nowadays I am thinking about her more often, I don’t want to entertain these thoughts and want to shut up my mind but I fail. I am really helpless as I am constantly struck by these thoughts and want to get rid of this as I am very serious towards my goals and my studies. Ma’am please guide me by telling whether love is a devastating concept and how should I help myself to figure it out.
Ans. Thoughts can become obsessive and you are right about them interfering in your studies and goals. There are ways of obsessive thoughts and we can help you with simple techniques to control thoughts. A few sessions of counselling will be helpful. Meanwhile you can try ignoring them or controlling them with other thoughts. Whenever her thought comes you can stop it immediately and get involved in some other thought or activity. Getting into action is a good alternative too. Another way is to give your thoughts full attention for a specific period of time, say, for fifteen minutes, and then stop it totally for the entire day.
Q. I am learning in 11th class and I am very bright student of my class. But now days in family is going on domestic quarrel on some issue. That’s why my mind distract and I can’t concentrate on study. So please suggest me how to concentrate on study.
Ans. This is truly an emotionally upsetting situation for you. Domestic quarrels can upset the entire atmosphere of the home and unsettle the family members. It is a bad time for you actually. Share this concern with your parents and request them for a solution. You could join a library to study and then come home to sleep. If you are getting involved in the quarrels then you are making a mistake. Do not listen to the details from adult members or other children and do not take sides as to who is right or wrong in the quarrels. Adults can fight over any and every thing and are also likely to drag children into the arguments but you should keep out of it and not listen to anything that is going on. It is not necessary that one party may be right over the other party. People fight for various unnecessary reasons too. Stay away and stay focused. That is your role and duty.