“Take heed of unhealthy signs”- 7 February 2016
Q. I kindly request you to suggest me some or at least one good detailed book on child psychology. Anything which can help me become a better and contended parent would be of great help.
Ans. The best thing to understand is your understanding of child psychology. People work on different concepts some which are conscious and some unconscious understanding that they have received and experienced with their own life. Not to confuse you further, a good book to read is Maria Montessori’s book on child psychology. She elaborates on many aspects of the child’s mind and growth. You will enjoy reading it too. Her theories are followed in the pre-primary levels in schools. We have many theories and theorists but you may find them too technical. Many books have been written on parenting, some which follow the theory of emotional intelligence. Try searching in book stores for books written by psychologists. Of course there is common sense too which our parents followed through with age old practises. But it’s god to be enlightened.
Q. My friend is facing a peculiar problem. She liked a boy and he proposed to her for marriage. She kept saying that she will answer later but he would not listen seriously. He went on after her and one day she said yes and the engagement was done. Now she is badly in doubt and keeps feeling nervous and irritated. She does not know what to do. Her mother has bad health and that makes her worried too. I tell her to decide and make her mind sure but she is not doing that. What should I do and how should I help her.
Ans. You could help her by knowing her fears and anxieties about the boy and his family. She has reservations in her mind about the marriage alliance but she seems to have submitted to his persistent demands. This happens when girls are submissive and do not assert with a clear mind that this will not work. Now she is getting jittery as she is officially engaged and might be seeing him and his behaviour more closely. Also the day of marriage must be coming closer. We could help her with counselling and know more details which she may be afraid to tell you. As she is now engaged she will have to face the wrath of not only her parents but the entire community. Also expenses must have been made for the engagement ceremony. She is under severe dilemma and hence stress as she finds herself trapped. We can certainly help her take a decision and also break the news to her parents.
Q. My son is in 8th Std and has been going down in his concentration. He does not talk to us properly and often locks his door and sits for hours in his room. He is sometimes not going to school too and says he will do well and go to school. We are getting worried with his behaviour and his studies too. He shouts at me if I tell him to study and to be serious. His father tried talking to him but he did not behave nicely with him too. What is wrong with him? Does he need counselling or some sort of treatment?
Ans. Yes, he will need counselling and therapy. The signs are not healthy and suggest many possibilities. We can only make a guess as what could be going wrong. He may be having difficulties in his subjects which he may not be acknowledging. Or he may be influenced by bad elements and may have gone into some sort of bad habits. Locking himself in his room he may be passing his time with movies, internet or computer games or may be spending much time on social network. You will have to find out about what he does behind closed doors. Try dismantling the lock of the door by calling a carpenter when he is in school. Another possibility is that he could be getting into a depressive state of mind which comes in very silently and many children are caught unaware of what is going wrong with their mind. Another cause could be a bad experience at school like teasing or bullying or some sort of assault by another group of boys. Talk to the school class teacher and the principal and bring him for counselling as soon as possible.