“Accept joys and sorrows as gifts of God”- 1 January 2017.
Q: Respected ma’am, I am a commerce student. My parents recently got divorced and it has affected me to a great extent. I was always very close to both my parents and them separating has put me into a state of depression. I don’t want to talk to anyone and I don’t feel like eating anything. Whenever someone tries to talk to me I just give them back a rude answer or ignore then entirely. I am so angry with my patents because I don’t know what made them separate. One day we are a happy family the next they are telling me that are getting divorced. I can’t even have a proper conversation with them without crying or shouting. All I want to do is cry and sleep all day. Please help me out.
Ans: This is an unfortunate situation. It is traumatic for children when parents divorce. As a child you are right in stating that you feel close to both of them and their separation has hurt you a lot. You should maintain a good relationship with both of them separately. It would be advisable not to take sides and try not to get involved in the conflict. Since both are dear to you and both treat you well, stay connected to both of them. You will have to accept this reality soon enough. Since you are in college you have your career in mind and then your own personal life to look forward to. So focus on your own life and leave the details of your parents to them to handle. If you look back, I am sure you hated the strife and the constant quarrels and fights at home. When conflicts between couples become a chronic condition, at times, divorce seems the only way out. Constant fighting does no good to either person and so they must have decided to say quits to their marriage. However as a child of theirs enjoy the company of both parents separately and do not try to interfere too much. Stop crying and stop shouting at them or others and keep your mind calm on the contrary. If both of them feel peaceful and settled living separately then so be it. Remember they will always be there for you in all situations and will help you always. That is a big enough assurance for you to carry on your life.
Q: I am a teacher. My engagement was fixed for the 21st of November but it was broken off by the boys side just a week before that. I don’t know what the problem was. They did not even give a proper reason. I have been so upset because of this. I even tried to take my life. My family too blames me for what happened. I don’t know what to do ma’am. I am so depressed. Everyone is against me. Please tell me what to do.
Ans: Such improper things keep happening all the time. That it has happened to you is your bad luck. Courtesy demands that they should have broken it off with some reason and explanation and made it a decent break off. Each one has the right to choose and not to choose his mate. This fickle minded behaviour speaks about the attitudes and culture about the boy and his family. If you are looking for reasons for the breakup there could be many reasons and in your case it could be something which they were not able to communicate to you. They did not have the guts to tell you the truth. Knowing the reason will not make a difference to your life. The fact remains that your engagement is off and you have lost the relation that was to be. I do not understand why your family should blame you for whatever happened when you are actually innocent and also uninformed about the main reason. Instead your family should support you in such times and cheer you up. It is certainly not the end of the world and you will get a better match for yourself. Never try to end your life for such silly reasons for you are not at fault at all and why should you punish yourself for the fault of someone else. Be brave and bold and face life squarely. Come what may –joys and sorrows, also accept it as a gift of God. We realise the value of the gift afterwards.