Q. I am a 20 yr old girl. I am feeling extremely low since a month. My boyfriend cheated on me and my best friend ditched me. Both are different cases. I am feeling used physically and mentally both. I have entrance exam for my PG courses in the coming month of May. I am not able to concentrate on my studies. Sometimes i feel like going and teaching both of them a lesson. I asked him so many times that if he has another girl in his life he can tell me freely. But he never told me. I feel bad that even after being so clear and free with him he lied and cheated on me. I dont know where did i go wrong. I feel stupid at times that people use me and i do nothing at all. I am feeling mentally exhausted and i feel that i wont be able to trust anyone in my life from now on. What should i do? My studies are getting affected which is the worst part of it all.
Ans. This is sorry state to be in. To be cheated by people you trust is an emotionally traumatic experience. But this is happening all the time in society where the character ethics is going down and people feel ‘it is okay to cheat and lie’. If you have not done any wrong and cannot think of any action where you have gone wrong, then you must accept it as your misfortune/ bad luck to have been in a relationship with such a guy. Don’t trust anyone for some time till your studies are over and you become more confident of yourself. Feeling used is not a good feeling but remember the line is thin here. If you had consented to all the experiences then it is not necessary to blame the other person, unless force has been used. Instead of feeling used, you should think that it was good till it lasted and now that it is over and you are free and on your own. It is sad to end a good relationship in this manner and very hurtful. But that is how it is. Get immersed into studies and enjoy your own beautiful company. Don’t trust and don’t get involved for a long time –that will heal your wounds faster. Engage into something meaningful in terms of a hobby. Accept the reality.
Q. I am married and came to the city of Nagpur. Here I wanted to work and use my knowledge and my husband is okay with it but my in-laws don’t like it and tell my husband not to allow me. He is now trying to convince me to do other things and this is irritating me. He is not saying it directly but round about. This is spoiling my mood with him and I feel upset with him. This city does not have enough activity to do and I don’t like kitty parties. I like to work and I come from a big city and used to enjoy it. My life has changes so much –I don’t know how to solve this problem. Please guide me.
Ans. One option could be entrepreneurship. Think of an idea that you always played around with and could start something of your own. You could ask permission for doing a business from home and then later shift out. Sometimes when families don’t like women to be employed they actually don’t mind a business of their own. This is just a tendency or an attitude. If they don’t allow you for this too, then life is going to be tough to just be a housewife. Another option could be social work on a voluntary basis and that could be honourable work. Do think out of the box and find a solution. There are solutions to problems and life can be happy in small cities as well for they offer more scope and opportunity to explore newer areas of enterprise! Think about it positively!
Q. I am confused about my career. My parents don’t force me for anything and I am at loss. They tell me to do my best and be happy and choose whatever I like. I like many things and I am not sure what to do. Too many thoughts go in my mind and i get more confused. Is there a way to clear the confusion. I like history, economics and maths too. I also like science but don’t want to take up engineering. Please guide me. i am in tenth std.
Ans. In such a state of mind the best option is get an aptitude assessment done which throws up your best abilities and the combination abilities which help decide career choices. It is okay to be confused and that happens when you are multi-talented as you find yourself capable of enjoying many vocations. A good session of open minded discussion will help identify your hobbies, interests and personality type suited for the specific career. Take an appointment soon and clear your confusions in a scientific way.