“Adapt yourself to the new norms of behaviour”
Q. I’m In Dilemma! I Was Crazy For My Online Friend, Pampering Him To Message-Like My Comments. 6Months Back He Blocked Me. I Knew My Mistake Hence I Didn’t Contact Him. Now Due To Covid Concern From Other Id I Contacted Him He Accepted & Forgave Me. I Have Set Boundaries This Time-Limited Messages, No Comments. But He Is Getting Possessive For Me, Stalking From Fake Accounts, Doubting My Male Friends. Did I Made A Mistake Contacting Him Again? ,Why He Is Doing So?
Ans. It does seem like a mistake. Getting possessive and stalking are two different things. Stalking from fake accounts is even worse. Further his suspiciousness about your male friends is the third angle to his weirdness. He is certainly not of sound mind and character because of the three peculiarities. A straight talk can be done by a possessive person and by a suspicious person. But stalking from fake accounts is too much. You can be happy that you are so important to him that he goes to such extent to chase and follow you and you can reciprocate the cat and mouse game by playing it too. If you are not interested in playing games then you know the best option is to stop it. But you do seem to be smitten by this guy for you contacted him the second time in spite of being blocked. There is something about him that attracts you to him and keeps you engaged. Explore your mind for the ‘hooks’ that keep you hanging and work on them. If you find his behaviour odd and un-gentlemanly cut him off and get rid of him. I am sure you have better goals to pursue and work on. I am also sure you have healthier and happier people to make friends with. Look around and find better human beings. Of course no one is perfect but not all are so imperfect too!
Q. I am a patient of anxiety since long and doing well with medicines and yoga and meditation. This current situation has upset my mind very much. While I was anxious about one or two things not many things make me anxious. Office is only twice a week and the rest of time I stay at home and do some work too. Going out used to be good for me and give me fresh air and meet other people. Staying locked has locked my brain and put stress on me. Please advise. Are you available for advise and how?
Ans. Yes, it is true that patients with pre-existing anxiety are badly impacted by Covid-19 due to the actual threats and the added perceptions of threat too. You mention some interesting dimension that going out to work and meeting people helped you a great deal in managing anxiety and the locked-in the home reality is hurting you. So going to work in the real world is healthier than staying at home. You do visit the office twice a week and that is a relief. But generally the anxiety levels have shot up. One thing you could immediately do is to start connecting with a few friends or office colleagues on video calls daily and chatting with them about work and other things. The video chat will make a difference from a normal chat. The second thing which is more long lasting is to make a new schedule for yourself altogether since you may not go back to ‘old normal’ for a long time to come. You must think through a new time table and a few new engagements to keep your mind happy and joyful. Waiting for things to normalise will not help, on the contrary it will raise your anxiety, frustrations and irritations. Think of starting new hobbies like cooking, gardening, playing with children, playing online games, meeting extended family on zoom or such apps. Have a new routine which will give you satisfaction and peace of mind. Your desire to go to office and interact with others will have to be suspended. It is important that you start the adaptation process as soon as possible for waiting anxiously will not help.