“Make your own choices”
Q. I am confused about my career. I had take science on the advice of parents and teachers but I realise it is not for me. I have not done well in my 12 Std examinations and do not expect much. I want to switch to Commerce but how to convince my parents? They are very keen I go to IIT and that is making me sleepless and nervous. They have made it a issue with their friends that I will go to IIT. I was a good student till 10 Std and so they think I am Einstein. I must die for science and live for it. Please help me.
Ans. your results in 12 Std will show whether you have the talent for IIT or not. Please do not repeat 12 Std exams even if they ask you too. Make the switch to commerce after results. You could appear for the entrance for CA along with your admission to commerce graduation. This will give you a professional degree and you can practice. Another option would be Masters in commerce after graduation or else and MBA in Finance after B.Com. It is a great line and opens up the job segment in banks as well as industry. CA practice in private too or join a firm. If your parents don’t agree throw a tantrum and act stubborn. Of course they will bow to your choice if you are adamant. Be assertive about it and remember it is your life. If you are not cut out for science and IIT, so be it. It is not the Mother of all choices. There is lot of life besides IIT. Do what suits you and your aptitude. Come for guidance if required.
Q. I am a total wreck in my mind as I seemed to have messed up my life with wrong choices of men friends. They keep betraying me and I try my best to do the right thing. Two friends I made in my life and both have betrayed me. One cheated on me and I found out quite late and dropped him immediately. He kept saying sorry but I did not give in. I felt good and proud of myself for doing so. After a gap of two or so years I found another guy who was married and promised me marriage after his divorce but he was not getting it done easily. My parents are after me for marriage as I am already thirty years of age and want to settle soon but don’t know what to do. This guy continues to live with his wife and child and keeps promising marriage after divorce. Should I trust him or go ahead with my mother’s choice for many times I feel he is betraying me too, please guide and show the way. My mind is restless and I am not feeling cheerful. I feel depressed most times. Why this is happening to me I am thinking?
Ans. Well, in such matters it is better to set a time deadline for yourself and communicate that to your friend. Tell them that you can wait for so much time and not more. If he clears his marital status then you will go ahead and marry him or else you will go your way and listen to your mother for an ‘arranged marriage’. If you are already thirty and keen to settle down with your own partner and have kids, then you should not wait much longer and take a decision to move on. I hope you know whether the divorce proceedings have started or not, whether his wife would be willing for a mutual consent or they will conflict and enter a long drawn legal battle. Whether he has taken a decision on the custody issue and whether he is willing to pay off his wife and give her alimony. Find out details and if the picture is unclear and uncertain, then back off from the guy and go your way. Such cases drag on endlessly till death of one and lives are wasted. Don’t get yourself into a victim mode and do not curse yourself or pity yourself. Many people have turbulent lives and its okay to have one. Face the reality, make a choice keeping the facts in mind and move ahead. Never stay stuck in a groove for it is not worth it.