S.M (via email)
Q. I am 21 years old girl having so many conflicts in my life. I was 15years old when I fell in love with my classmate. In 11th I failed and he supported me. I got into wrong company and never felt seriously about it. He physically used me and left me for no reason. I was a merit student in my school but this thing left me shattered and I never concentrated on studies again and got less marks in 12th. In college I was afraid to make friends. One boy came into my life again but slowly I again found that he was also interested in getting physical with me. He would point out my mistakes and say that I have a mental problem. One day I left him in anger. Now somewhere I also feel that I have some problem. I am very insecure in everything. I panic a lot. I do not get involved easily. I can’t concentrate on my studies. I am left alone in nowhere as my friends have moved along. My mother scolds me for everything and other family members never listen to me. I have lost another year in my studies. I am having a boyfriend now and he is very nice. I love him but I am afraid that all this things will affect us. I want to get my confidence in studies back and I want to get rid of my insecure panic nature. Please help me. I can’t forget my past neither can live my present.
Ans. It would be a good idea to try to understand yourself and your needs. It would help you to know your weak areas in your personality and why you tend to get into exploitative relationships. As you say that you have an insecure nature that panics fast we could help you explore more areas of your personality that disturb your mind. At 21 years of age you should have gained a fairly good control over your mind and your life but that has not happened. Psychological therapy would help you explore your mind and help you grow and mature into a healthy human being.
Ishaan (via email)
Q. I am from another city and am studying here. I have lost my 3 years due to low interest in studies. I was good in my academic in school but after that I lost my interest in study. I don’t know why? I was lost in this world’s unnecessary things such as making good friends, always wanting a girlfriend in my life. I thought fulfilling of dreams is life all about. But now I am a very concentrated person I think. Whenever my friends get into some mental trouble I only make truly useful solutions but as my problems come I can’t tell it to anybody. I tried telling it but it did not succeed. Please help me.
Ans. You do not seem to understand your priorities and your goals in life. You have gone astray by diverting from studies and indulging in insignificant activities. You came to Nagpur to study and to make a career but you have abused the time and money that your parents have been spending on you. I am glad that you have realized your mistake and are getting serious about your life. Seek counseling if you have psychological problems –many times it does not help to consult your peers for they may not have the wisdom to guide you. You could get into a job on a part time basis and get into some meaningful activity. Alternately you could plunge yourself into studies whole heartedly and finish your degree. Also consult your parents and confess your difficulties and stupidity as well. There is always time to learn one’s lessons and reform. It is never too late.
Published in Hitavada Insight – 20 Feb 2010